Deaf Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf- mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language. "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."
Kanjibhai is talking to the family doctor.
"Doc, I think my wife Rupaben going deaf."
The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question.
If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again.
Keep repeating this until she answers.
Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."
Kanjibhai goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says,
"Muna ni Ba, what's for dinner?"
He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
"Eh are you listening, what's for dinner?"
Still no answer.
He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.
Finally, Rupaben answers,
"For the eleventh time, I said we're having THEPLA!"
It was a rainy night in Walnut Cove and the highway bridge was washed out. The only hotel in town was filled to capacity with motorists who couldn't get across the bridge. An elderly couple tried to get a room in a hotel, but were turned away.
"Please.." the old man bemoaned, "we've traveled all day, we're old and feeble, and we are too tired to travel any further."
The hotel clerk felt sorry for the couple, so he informed them that down the road a couple of blocks was an old farmhouse which was owned by an elderly farmer and his wife and that they were deaf. He informed them that this deaf couple had helped the hotel in the past by making rooms available to hotel guests when the hotel was full. He told them, "Just walk into the farmhouse because they won't be able to hear you knocking on the door. The deaf farmer and his wife will know you need a room for the night."
Off they went. When they walked into the farmhouse, they were shocked to see more...
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were "protecting." Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing. Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40, 000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends someo of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?" The deaf man replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know more...
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections fromall the private businesses that they were protecting. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deafperson for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldnt be able tocommunicate to the police what he was doing. Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50, 000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends someof their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deafcollector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector cantcommunicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where the money is."The interpreter signs, "Wheres the money?" r The deaf replies, "I dont know what youre talking about." Theinterpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesnt know what youretalking more...
"Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this."
"The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign."
"The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse more...
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they findthat they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off thelights because they cant see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why dont we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you dont want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you dont want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis...... fifty times"