Deal Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this blonde girl who had gotten fed up with blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair black.
So she did, and she was sooooo happy with it that she went to her car and drove around just to show off her new look. She was coming up to this intersection when she saw a shepeherd by the road waiting to cross with his flock of lambs. The girl stopped and waved him to pass.
While the flock was crossing the road, she asked the shepherd - "If I can guess how many sheep you got there, would you give me one?"
He thought about the offer for a minute and decided it was ok. The girl looked at the flock and exclaimed "487". The shepherd said "WOW! That's right...well...take any sheep you like...a deal's a deal"
So she gets the animal and happily puts him in the back of her car, when the shepehrd says "WAIT!
Now I have a deal for you... if I guess the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?"

Irishman trying to learn golf and having a terrible time of it. "I'd give just about anything to get this right!" he says aloud.
Straight on the Devil appears and says "Anything?"
"Well, short of selling my soul, yes."
"How about giving up sex for the rest of your life?"
"Done and done!" He finishes the game in rare good form and rumor of his deal spreads thru the clubhouse. One of the members, a reporter, sees a story here and asks him, "Sir, is it true you made a deal with the Devil to become a great golfer?"
"True, enough."
"And you gave up sex as your part of the bargain?"
"True again!"
"And may I have your name, sir?"
"Certainly. Father Mike O'Ryan."

There was this blonde girl who had gotten fed up with blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair black.So she did, and she was sooooo happy with it that she went to her car and drove around just to show off her new look. She was coming up to this intersection when she saw a shepeherd by the road waiting to cross with his flock of lambs. The girl stopped and waved him to pass.While the flock was crossing the road, she asked the shepherd - "If I can guess how many sheep you got there, would you give me one?"He thought about the offer for a minute and decided it was ok. The girl looked at the flock and exclaimed "487". The shepherd said "WOW! That's right...well...take any sheep you like...a deal's a deal"So she gets the animal and happily puts him in the back of her car, when the shepehrd says "WAIT! Now I have a deal for you... if I guess the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?"

VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."
Through the MICROSOFT Network, the more...

Irishman trying to learn golf and having a terrible time of it. "I'd give just about anything to get this right!" he says aloud. Straight on the Devil appears and says "Anything?" "Well, short of selling my soul, yes." "How about giving up sex for the rest of your life?" "Done and done!" He finishes the game in rare good form and rumor of his deal spreads thru the clubhouse. One of the members, a reporter, sees a story here and asks him, "Sir, is it true you made a deal with the Devil to become a great golfer?" "True, enough." "And you gave up sex as your part of the bargain?" "True again!" "And may I have your name, sir?" "Certainly. Father Mike O'Ryan."

Steinberg and Fleisher, partners in the garment industry had just suffered through their worst season ever. Ten thousand madras sports coats were hanging on the rack unsold, and bankruptcy was looming closer.

Out of the blue, in walked a buyer from Australia. "I say there," he began, "you boys wouldn't have any madras sports coats, would you? I've been looking for them everywhere."

Steinberg said there MIGHT be a few left, and soon a deal was made whereby the ten thousand jackets would be shipped to Australia at a handsome profit.

"There is one thing though," said the Australian buyer. "For an order this large, I'll have to get a confirmation from my home office. I don't anticipate any problem, and unless I send you a telegram by this Friday, the deal goes through as planned."

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday passed slowly, with the partners nervously waiting to see if the Australian would change his mind. more...

ARIESYou are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are not very nice. TAURUSYou are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. Taurus people have BO. GEMINIYou are a quick and intellectual thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. CANCERYou are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most Welfare recipients are Cancer people. LEOYou consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves. VIRGOYou are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to more...