Deal Jokes / Recent Jokes
MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter`s Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company`s new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range more...
There was this blonde girl who had gotten fed up with blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair black. So she did, and she was sooooo happy with it that she went to her car and drove around just to show off her new look. She was coming up to this intersection when she saw a shepeherd by the road waiting to cross with his flock of lambs. The girl stopped and waved him to pass. While the flock was crossing the road, she asked the shepherd - "If I can guess how many sheep you got there, would you give me one?" He thought about the offer for a minute and decided it was ok. The girl looked at the flock and exclaimed "487". The shepherd said "WOW! That's right... well... take any sheep you like... a deal's a deal"So she gets the animal and happily puts him in the back of her car, when the shepehrd says "WAIT! Now I have a deal for you.... if I guess the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?"
MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
By Hank Vorjes
VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun more...
An Irishman walks out of a bar. Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast. ” A sign over the men’s toilet at the bar reads: “We aim to please - you aim too please. ” What’s the difference between a Bartender and a toilet seat? - A toilet seat only has to deal with one asshole at a time. What’s the difference between a Bartender and a stagecoach driver. - A stagecoach driver only has to deal with the same four horses’ asses all day. A man walks into a bar waving a checkered flag. The barman says I hope your not going to start something with with that. A chicken walks into a bar, looks around and says to the barman “sorry’ wrong joke” A sign in the male loo reads “Please aim carefully as the hands that clean this trough make your dinner. ” A guy walks into a bar. A second guy walks into a bar. The third guy ducks. So a dyslexic walks into a bra. . . A guy walks out of a bar on the moon, complaining “The drinks were more...
A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: "Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good." The next day when they come home his wife asks, "How was your day?" The man says: "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!"The third day they meet at home after work and now the man asks his wife, "And what happened today in your office, honey?" She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but, hell, it feels good!"
Two men are at work talking about how they deal with their wives when they go for a late night on the town with 'the guys'.
The first one says, "It doesn't matter what I try, my wife always 'busts me' and gives me hell. Sometimes, I'lll turn off the engine to the car a half block away, coast into the driveway so she doesn't hear the engine running, leave the car door slightly open so she doesn't hear the door being closed, tiptoe to the front door, spend a minute unlocking, opening and closing the front door as silently as possible, take off my shoes so she doesn't hear me walking in the house, tiptoe into the bedroom, remove my clothes as silently as possible, then spend a minute getting into bed so the bed doesn't move at all when I lie down next to her, and she always lets out a scream - 'WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN 'TIL TWO IN THE MORNING YOU LOUSY, CHEATING BASTARD?' and continues to nag me for about an hour."
The other guys says, "I use a little different more...
Politicians deal with the problems which would not exist if they did not exist.