Deal Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife, "Honey, I got a new secretary, and imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good."
The next day when he came home his wife asks, "How was your day?"
The man say, "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!"
The third day he comes home after work and now the man asks his wife, "And what happened today in your office, honey?"
She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but hell, it feels good!"

Three men die and go to hell. There is a white guy, a Polish guy, and a black guy. The devil makes a deal with the three men. He tells them if they can stand on his hand for 10 days without melting he will give them their lives back. So the three men agree to the deal and stand on his hand. After only 2 days the white guy melts and after the 4th day the Polish guy melts also. The devil thinks this is going to be a piece of cake. "Two down and one to go", he tells the black man. But after 10 days the black man is still standing strong. The devil asks him how this is possible and the man replies, "Chocolate melts in your mouth not in your hand."

A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: "Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good."The next day when they come home his wife asks, "How was your day?"The man says: "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!"The third day they meet at home after work and now the man asks his wife, "And what happened today in your office, honey?"She says, "Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but, hell, it feels good!"

In your next life would you rather be a female bear?
If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. Could you deal with that?
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. Could you deal with that too?
If you're a bear, you give birth to your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. Could you deal with that?
If you're a mumma bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. Could you deal with that?
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Any women out there rather be a bear?

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."

The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque."

"Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

"Money or another miracle else no drink", says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls more...

The deal
Joseph had just passed his driving test, so he asked his father, who was a Rabbi, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "Joseph, I`ll make a deal with you. You bring your school grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we`ll talk about it."
After about a month Joseph came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father`s study where his father said, "Joseph, I`ve been real proud of you. You have raised your school grades, you`ve studied your Bible diligently, but you didn`t get your hair cut!" Joseph waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I`ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Abraham had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Moses had long hair...."
To which the Rabbi replied, "Yes, and they walked every where they went!"

Hillary was finishing up a day as Senator for New York when the Devil suddenly appeared in her office and made her an offer..."I am here to offer you a deal," the Devil said. "I will give you unlimited wealth, even more power, and a media that will pander to your every whim. In return, all I ask for is your soul, the souls of every member of your family, and the souls of all your constituents."Hillary pondered for a moment and then asked, "Unlimited wealth and power?""Absolutely unlimited," the Devil asserted."A pandering media?" she asked."They'll fall over themselves to support you, no matter what you say or do," the Devil assured."And you want my soul, my family's souls, and the souls of my constituents?" she asked."Yes. All of them," the Devil answered.Hillary was deep in thought for a moment, then finally spoke:"So...what's the catch?"