Deal Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way, pal. I don't think you can pay for it." "You're right, " the guy says, "I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before will you give me a drink?""You have a deal my friend," says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar, it runs to the end of the bar, down the side of the bar, across the room, up the piano, onto the keyboard and starts playing Gerswhin. "You're right I haven't heard anyting like that before," says the bartender. "The hamster is really gifted."The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Will that be cash or another miracle, pal?" asks the bartender. "Watch this," replies the guy. Again, he reaches into his coat and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog onto the bar, and the frog starts to sing. The more...

MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church

VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.

With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.

"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range more...

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics.

Tiger Woods signed a new endorsement deal today to promote "Hostess Hoe-Hoes".

' There is an upgrade path from the Old to the New Testament, but it's difficult and unsupported.'

'We were only able to get the first seven Commandments on the stone tablets. The last three will be in Commandments' 98.'

'You can't get your bush to burn? Have you tried sacrifice?'

'The' virgin birth' is not a bug, it's a documented feature.'

'You'll need more RAM to run all four horseman concurrently.'

'The first semaphore is being dropped, the second is returning an olive branch.'

'I.S. says it will rain for exactly 20 days.'

'Kai's Revelations Tools produce some really cool effects but they're difficult to understand and use.'

'We killed the process, but three days later it came back.'

'The walls of Jericho won't fall without a 100% fully compatible Soundblaster Card.'

'The voice of God is a standardized protocol, but each prophet implements it differently.'

'My more...

MicroSoft: Bids to Acquire Catholic Church

VATICAN CITY (AP) - In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of more...

MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
By Hank Vorjes VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter`s Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion. With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company`s new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates. "We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of more...