Deaths Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cleaner Polishes Off Patients.
South African Health - Pelonomi Hospital
Date: 26 July 1996 10:08
"For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a dead
patient in the same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for
the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters.
"There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive
checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for possible
bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues." "However,
further inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths.
It seems that every Friday morning a cleaner would enter the
ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's life support
system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then go
about her business. When she had finished her chores, she would
plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware that the
patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear more...

These 3 guys were in heaven and jesus was only taking the worst deaths so everyone had to tell them how they died.
Guy #1
I suspected my wife was cheating on me so i went to her apartment and saw a guy hanging over the balcony, so i started hammering his fingers and when he finally fell i threw a refrigerator on him. Then i was so mad that my wife had cheated on me that i commited suicide. Thats how i died.
Guy #2
I was doing my daily arobics on the balcony when all the sudden i fell. i was on the edge of the balcony i was hoping someone would save me...the suddenly this crazy man started banging my fingers with a hammer. Then i fell and he threw a refrigerator on me! Thats how i died.
Guy #3
I was naked in the refrigerator!

This is true story from the newspaper The Cape Times (South Africa):
"For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient dead in the same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters.
"There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues." "However, further inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths...
"It seems that every Friday morning a cleaning lady would enter the ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's life support system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then go about her business. When she had finished her chores, she would plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware that the patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear the screams and eventual death rattle over the whirring of more...

Think About This:

A. The number of physicians in the US is 700, 000.

B. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year is 120, 000.

C. Accidental deaths per physician is 0. 171. (US Dept. of Health & Human Services)

Then think about this:

A. The number of gun owners in the US is 80, 000, 000.

B. The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is 1, 500.

C. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is. 0000188.

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9, 000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand. As a public health measure I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical attention.