Decide Jokes / Recent Jokes

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

The women start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors more...

Dear God/Goddess,
On the assumption that you MIGHT exist, please grant me decisivity.
On the other hand, I think I like it the way it is. Indecision can be fun sometimes.
What do you think? You know, I just can't make up my mind. To have or NOT to have? I think you have to decide for me.
If you decide to make me decisive, please wrap it in a beautiful package so its aesthetically pleasing.
Love, Libra
(P/s: i wrote that myself)

The real name of "the" Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where "III" means the order of third (3rd.)By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following: B....... 66I....... 73L....... 76L....... 76G....... 71A....... 65T....... 84E....... 69S....... 83........ 3--------------....... 666! ! Some might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful?" Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind's ultimate and total enslavement??? YOU decide! Before you decide, consider the following: M S - D O S 6. 2 177 83 45 68 79 83 32 54 46 50 49 = 666W I N D O W S 9 587 73 78 68 79 87 83 57 53 1 = 666Coincidence? I think not.

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them. 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations. 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given. 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero. 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year. 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind. 10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it. 11. I obey the law of inverse excuses more...

The Unofficial Manual for Graduate Teaching Assistants Teaching Introductory Computer Science Courses for Non-majors LATE HOMEWORK When a student turns in his/her project two weeks late and asks for full credit, accept the late work and tell them that it will be awarded full credit. However, do inform them that you will not have time to grade it until after you complete your Ph.D. DISRUPTIVE STUDENTS 1. If students will not stop talking when the class period begins, announce that there will be a quiz the following day on today's lecture. Then leave. 2. If your students are prone to reading the school paper in class, try taking out a full page ad in the paper informing them that they are going to flunk your class. LECTURES 1. In the event that you are unprepared for a lecture, be sure to use the class time to stress to the class the importance of keeping up with the readings. In fact, spend most of the class time stressing this. 2. When the time comes to lecture on a subject you know more...

PSYCHOLOGY: Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother.

SOCIOLOGY: Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.

ARCHAEOLOGY: One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up.

THEATRE:"OH! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!"

BIOLOGY: "You just wanted to get in my genes!"

PHYSICS: Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down.

JOURNALISM: "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..."

WOMEN'S STUDIES:"HE did it!"

BUSINESS: Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single.

HISTORY: Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past.

GEOGRAPHY:Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each more...

10) You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom, and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 9) Your firstborn is named Dotcom. 8) You turn off your modem and are suddenly filled with a feeling of emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one. 7) You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your child in the overhead compartment. 6) You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access. 5) You find yourself typing ''com'' after every period.com. 4) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading. 3) You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape. 2) You start tilting your head sideways to smile.: ) 1) Immediately after reading this list, you e-mail it to someone.