Decide Jokes / Recent Jokes

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only."
Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The doorman, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain."
The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome."
Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they more...

Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years. I wonder how the girls are doing?"

Q: What is the definition of an accountant?
A: Someone who solves a problem, you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.
Q: What does an accountant do for birth control?
A. He talks about his business.
Q: What is an extroverted accountant?
A: One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
Q: What is an insolvency practitioner?
A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
There are just three types of accountants:
Those who can count and those who can't.
Q: Why did the auditor cross the road?
A: Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
A: Depreciation.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and an accountant?
A: The more...

Poland, in the days before democracy settled down, went through times as bad as anywhere in Europe. After centuries of occupation by so many nations, being free from the Russian yoke was a weird experience; Poland emerged blinking into the bright lights of democracy and freedom.

Of course it was not like that at all; Poles knew what freedom was, and took to it like children in a sweet shop. But there were problems, and the shortages did not disappear overnight. .. So when his last light bulb burned out, Old Stefan knew he'd have to stand in line for two hours at the store (and there would probably be none left by the time he got to the front of the queue). So he went up into his attic and started rummaging around for an old oil lamp he vaguely remembered from decades ago.

He found the old brass lamp in a corner, stained with grime of ages. He started to polish it and a Genie appeared in cloud of smoke.

"Hello, Mortal!" said the Genie, more...

Never decide to buy something while listening to the salesman.

Marriage has driven more than one man to sex. Marriage is a ceremony that turns your dreamboat into a barge. Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute. Marriage is a rest period between romances. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Marriage is a trip between Niagra Falls and Reno. Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Marriage is better when both the husband and wife decide that what they have is better than what they are missing. Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo... Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out. Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings. Marriage is mind over matter; if the husband doesn't mind, it doesn't matter.. Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence. Marriage is the high sea more...

I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm. Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow? I'd look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!