Decide Jokes / Recent Jokes
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and ugly, they don't have jobs and hate children." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short, but handsome, haev decent jobs, and hate children." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and handsome, have well paying more...
The head doctors in a lunatic asylum have a meeting and decide that one of their patients is potentially well. So they decide to test him and take him to the movies.
When they get to the movie theater, there are `wet paint` signs pointing to the benches. The doctors just sit down but the patient puts a newspaper down first and then sits down.
The doctors get all excited because they think he may be in touch with reality now. So they ask him: "Why did you put the newspaper down first?"
He answers: "So I`d be higher and have a better view."a
HOW TO DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (as answered by primary school students)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
23 is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, like maybe if they were yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8
WHAT DO more...
1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away from me.
2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth.
3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court to jog along with you.
4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may continue his persuit of you in full stride.
5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk.
6. Good luck. On your mark, get set.... GO!!!!!
Just before the start of the Christmas Eve Service, the minister
suddenly drops dead. Everyone looks around to see who will
conduct the services with a full house in attendance.
The president of the congregation looks at the vice-president and
as they try to decide what to do, from the back of the room Jack
the Junk Dealer yells out "I have a fantastic dog that sings
hymns, gives the best sermons you could ever hope to hear and
brings people to tears of joy."
With limited possibilities at the moment, they decide to give him
a try.
Up he goes to the pulpit and before you know it, the entire church
is crying with happiness. Now I have to admit it's a bit unusual,
but the fact is the members were happy and isn't that what
Christmas is about anyway?
Anyway, following the service, the president calls over the dog's
owner and offers to give him a contract until the minister can
be replaced. Just as more...
Two guys decide to go on a hunting trip. When there friend hears about it, he begges to go. The two men are skeptical, because every time there friend goes, he scares away all the game. The friend promises that if he is allowed to go, he will stay at the camp site, because he likes to camp more than hunt. They agree and they start on their trip.
Once camp is set up, the two men decide to go hunt, and their friend stays behind. After several hours they finally spot a ten point buck, but a shrill scream scares the buck away. The two men run back to camp, only to find their friend standing there looking up into the trees.
"What's wrong?" They asked. "Yeah, you scared off our game."
"I'm sorry, fellas. I didn't screm when the snake fell out of the tree and wrapped aound my neck. I didn't yell when the bear came out of the woods and mauled me nearly to death. But those SQUIRELS..."
What had happened to the poor man more...
NOTICE: You may wish to delay reading this until you have more free time.
I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about more...