Decide Jokes / Recent Jokes
Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. Sothey set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually theyend up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at theelephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, "Mummy, whatis that long thing?" His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk." "No, at the other end.""That, son is the tail." "No, mummy, the thing under the elephant." A short embarrassed silence after which she replies,"That's nothing." The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not beingsatisfied with her answer, asks his father the same question."Daddy, what is that long thing?" "That's the trunk, son," replies the father."No at the other end." "Oh, that is the tail." "No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation. "That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?" "Well mummy said it was nothing," more...
Bill Gates tragically died in a car accident. Arriving at the pearly gates, he finds himself being sized up by St. Peter." Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows XP. I'm going to do something I've never done before. . . I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." "So what's the difference between the two?" Bill asked. St. Peter said, "I could let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision." "Fine! Where should I go first?" "You decide." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill Gates went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the more...
Bill Gates tragically died in a car accident. Arriving at the pearly gates, he finds himself being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows XP. I'm going to do something I've never done before... I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
"So what's the difference between the two?" Bill asked. St. Peter said, "I could let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine! Where should I go first?" "You decide." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill Gates went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; more...
Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.
Bill Gates tragically died in a car accident. Arriving at the pearly gates, he finds himself being sized up by St. Peter."Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows XP. I'm going to do something I've never done before... I'm going to let you decide where you want to go.""So what's the difference between the two?" Bill asked. St. Peter said, "I could let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision.""Fine! Where should I go first?" "You decide." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."So Bill Gates went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature more...
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.
8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around more...
A group of girlfriends is on holiday when they see a 5 story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only".
Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.
"We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin."
The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, more...