Decision Jokes / Recent Jokes

We need REALLY MEANS I want

You want REALLY MEANS You need

It's your decision REALLY MEANS The correct decision should be obvious by now.

We need to talk REALLY MEANS I need to complain

Do what you want REALLY MEANS You'll pay for this later.

You're. .. so manly REALLY MEANS You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

Sure... go ahead REALLY MEANS I don't want you to.

I'm not upset REALLY MEANS Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're certainly attentive tonight. REALLY MEANS Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! REALLY MEANS I'm on my period.

Be romantic, turn out the lights. REALLY MEANS I'm Embarrassed

This kitchen is so inconvenient REALLY MEANS I want a new house.

You have to learn to communicate. REALLY MEANS Just agree with me.

Yes REALLY MEANS No

No REALLY MEANS No

Maybe REALLY MEANS more...

The International Astronomical Union made the decision today that Pluto is no longer a planet.



Ironically, this occurred just one day after Paramount Pictures made the decision that Tom Cruise is no longer a star.

A husband and wife were dining at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning woman comes over to their table, plants a big kiss on the husband, says she'll see him later, and walks away.
The wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?!?"
"Oh, that's my mistress," replies the husband.
"That's it! I've had enough! I want a divorce!" demands the wife.
"Ok, dear," the husband replies, "but do remember, if we get divorced, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no more winters in the Caribbean, no more summers on the Riviera, no more Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But, the decision is yours."
Just then, they notice a mutual friend enter the restaurant with a gorgeous woman on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Bill?" asks the wife.
"That's Bill's mistress," her husband replies.
"Oh, ours is far prettier!" the wife declares.

Wifespeak/Translation
You want: You want
We need: I want
It's your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want: You'll pay for this later
We need to talk: I need to complain
Sure...go ahead: I don't want you to.
I'm not upset: Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting!: I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights.: I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house.
I want new curtains: and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper....
I need wedding shoes: the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there: No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me?: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me?: I did something today more...

Wifespeak/Translation You want: You wantWe need: I wantIt's your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by nowDo what you want: You'll pay for this laterWe need to talk: I need to complainSure...go ahead: I don't want you to.I'm not upset: Of course I'm upset, you moron.You're so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.You're certainly attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about? I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting!: I'm on my period.Be romantic, turn out the lights.: I have flabby thighs.This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house.I want new curtains: and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper....I need wedding shoes: the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of whiteHang the picture there: No, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.Do you love me?: I'm going to ask for something expensive.How much do you love me?: I did something today you're really not going to like.I'll be ready in a minute: Kick off your shoes and find more...

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows' 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?" St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" "I'll leave that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the more...

God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision... I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that Windows95, among other things. I believe I'll do something I've never done before...
I'll let YOU decide where you want to go.
Bill pushed up his glasses, looked at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'll do better than that. I'll let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you want to visit first... Heaven or Hell?"
Bill said, "I think I'll try Hell first."
So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell.
When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was a beautiful and clean place... a bit warm... with sandy beaches and tall more...