Decision Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by God... "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows' 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill replied, " Well, what's the difference between the two?" God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, it if will help your decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" "I'll leave that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of BEAUTIFUL women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature more...
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by God...
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows' 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
Bill replied, " Well, what's the difference between the two?"
God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, it if will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of BEAUTIFUL women running around, playing in more...
Bill Gates tragically died in a car accident. Arriving at the pearly gates, he finds himself being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows XP. I'm going to do something I've never done before. . . I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
"So what's the difference between the two?" Bill asked. St. Peter said, "I could let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine! Where should I go first?" "You decide." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill Gates went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and more...
Some years after Bill Clinton had been President, a famous biographer was preparing to write Bill's life story.
While he was interviewing Bill, he asked, "What would you say was your best and your worst decision during your Presidency?"
Bill remained deep in thought for a few minutes and then replied, "Monica Lewinsky! I would have to say she was my best and my worst decision."
"But how could that be, Bill?" asked the surprised biographer.
Smiling, Bill replied, "Well, I would have to say Monica was both my best and my worst decision for the same reason."
"That's strange," replied the biographer. "What would that reason be?"
"She had a big mouth!" Bill replied.
Tommy's house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner. Grandpa calls 6 year old Tommy and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other stuff he can think of. After a while, grandpa notices that Tommy is losing interest in the conversation so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested. A ten and a twenty-dollar bill. He shows both bills to Tommy and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses. Tommy reaches over and grabs the ten-dollar bill.
Grandpa pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again, he tells Tommy to take one of the bills and keep it. Tommy grabs the other ten. Grandpa again is surprised and upset. He takes Tommy over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Tommy is in choosing the ten over the twenty. Grandpa goes on and on showing every uncle and cousin and each time Tommy chooses the ten over the more...
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries.. But, now we know. If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race. .. you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework. .. you're a pansy. If you work too hard. .. there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough. .. you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay. .. this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay. .. you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her. .. that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you. .. it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks. .. it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet. .. it's male indifference. If you cry. .. you're a wimp. If you don't. .. you're insensitive. If you make a decision without consulting her. .. you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you. .. she's a liberated woman. If you ask more...