Decorated Jokes

A judge has ruled that a 68-year-old Michigan woman facing possible jail time after painting over a fire hydrant near her home that had been decorated by children is in the clear. It all became moot when a dog decorated it two hours later.

A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to the front door. His knock is answered by Gladys. "What do you want, sonny?" she asks him."Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night," heanswers. The other two old spinsters gather around the door. "Who's out there? Does he look decent?" they ask. Gladys says, "It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on."The other two spinsters giggle and say, "The hell with what color it is... let him in!"

a couple gets married. 40 years later, they're in
the same hotel, in the same room. She takes off
her clothes, lies down on the bed, spreads her
legs.. . and he starts to cry. she says, "What's
the matter?" he says, "40 years ago i coun't wait
to eat it, and now it looks like it wants to eat
me."
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When do you know you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
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Leeds is drinking all afternoon and suddenly
pukes all over his shirt. He slobbers, "My wife
is gonna kill me." The bartender says, "Put a
twenty-dollar bill in your top pocket and tell
your wife that a drunk threw up on you and then
gave you the twenty bucks to get it cleaned." He
agrees it's a great idea. When he gets hime, he
walks in, tells her the story, and hands her more...

This married couple wakes up during the X-mas season.
The wife says, "I had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that our X-mas tree was decorated with dicks and on top was the biggest, hardest, smoothest dick I have ever seen."
"I suppose that was mine," the hubby said proudly.
"No, I think maybe it belonged to Brad Pitt," she replied. "Oh yeah," he said snottily. "Well I had a similiar dream."
"I dreamt that our tree was decorated with pussies and on top was the wettest, best looking pussy I have ever seen."
"And I suppose that was mine?" she asked. "Nope. Yours was holding up the tree!"

A newlywed couple goes to bed early on Christmas night. The wife awakes in the middle of the night, wakes her husband and says: "Honey, Honey wake up! I had the most amazing dream!"
Husband: "Huh, what was it?"
Wife: "In my dream I saw a Christmas tree that was decorated with all different kinds of dicks. There was big ones, small ones, black ones, white ones, and at the top of the tree was the perfect dick: it was long and thick!"
Husband: "Well, it was my dick, right?" Wife: "No, it was Dennis Rodman's!"
The husband, somewhat annoyed that his wife awoke him to tell him about a dream about Dennis Rodman's dick, rolled over and went to sleep. Later that evening the husband awoke and wakes his wife and says: "Honey, I had the most amazing dream!" Wife: "What was it?"
Husband: "In my dream I saw a Christmas tree that was decorated with all different kinds of pussy's. There was tight ones, more...