Defendant Jokes / Recent Jokes

At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?"
"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed.
"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?" the lawyer continued.
"Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure he had one of them real fancy Mazdas."

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant." Well that's not an crime", said the judge! "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened", answered the prisoner.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

The Judge Read The Charges, Then Asked: Are You The Defendant In This Case? No, Your Honor, ” Replied Banta, “I’ve Got A Lawyer To Do The Defending. I’m The Person Who Done It.

Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they''re a lot better than the penalty for murder.

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Scene: A courtroom where a witness is testifying in a case involving a man biting off the ear of another man during a fight. After supplying testimony which was very bad for the defendant, the witness was being cross examined by the defendant's attorney. Attorney: You said that you saw the defendant and the plaintiff in a fight? Witness: Yes. Attorney: You then said that you were concerned for your safety and that, because of this concern, you sought shelter elsewhere? Witness: Yes. Attorney: You further stated that during this time of seeking shelter, you turned your back to the fight at hand? Witness: Yes. Attorney: And THEN you testified that that was when the defendant bit off the plaintiff's ear??!! Witness: Yes. Attorney: Well, that makes for an interesting question then! If your back was turned to the fight then you obviously MUST have had more...

Judge: "I know you, don't I?"
Defendant: "Uh, yes."
Judge: "All right, tell me, how do I know you?"
Defendant: "Judge, do I have to tell you?"
Judge: "Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me."
Defendant: "Okay. I was your bookie."