Definitely Jokes / Recent Jokes

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".
Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."
Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No... But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants."

Is this your first trip to Malaysia? Are you a tourist, a businessman or a Mat Salleh expatriate waylaid from the safe haven of Bangsar? If you are, here's some lessons to help you along Lesson 1 You have just landed in Subang International Airport and the first thing you want to do is to call your Malaysian friend. If you're calling him at home or at the office, the first thing to say on the phone is "Eh, what you doing?". If you're calling him on the handphone (cellular phone) the standard greeting is "Eh, where are you?" Lesson 2 Your Malaysian friend has graciously offered to pick you from the airport. He said "Give me half an hour?", be prepared to wait at least one and a half hours. This is probably your first (of many) encounter with Malaysian Timing. There's no need to adjust your watch. Whatever time a Malaysian tells you, just add (minimum) one hour, and you won't go wrong. Lesson 3 You have no friends in Malaysia (yet) and you decide to take a more...

The kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.
When called upon the first student says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy."
Another student says, "Grass is definitely green."
Teacher again replies, "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct."
Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher, "Do farts have lumps?"
The teacher replied, "No, and that is not a suitable question for class discussion."
The student replies, "Then I definitely pooped in my pants."

The kindergarten teacher was explaining the definition of the word 'definitely' to her class. At the end of the lesson, she asked them to use the word in a sentence.
The first student called upon stood up and said, "The sky is definitely blue."
"At times, yes," said the teacher, "but that isn't entirely correct because sometimes it's grey and cloudy."
Another student stood up and said, "The grass is definitely green."
"It should be," replied the teacher, "but if it doesn't get enough water, it turns brown, so that isn't really correct."
Little Johnny, at the back of the class, stood up and asked, "Do farts have lumps?"
Annoyed at the question, the teacher replied, "No, they do not, and that is not a suitable question for our discussion."
"Then, I definitely shit my pants!" said Johnny.

>A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the
>definition of the word "definitely" to them. To
>make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks
>them to use it in a sentence. The first
>student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The
>teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct,
>because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".
>
>Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again
>replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it
>turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."
>
>Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have
>lumps?" The teacher looked at him and
>said "No... But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class
>discussion." So the student replies, "Then I
>definitely shit my pants."

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asked them to use it in a sentence.
The first student, Little Jimmy raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue".
The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".
Little Suzie raised her hand and said, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher again replied, "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."
At this this time, Little Johnny raises his hand and asked the teacher "Do farts have lumps?"
The teacher looked at him and said, "No... But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion."
So Little Johnny replied, "Then I definitely s#it in my pants."

After dying suddenly at the age of 46, Jack the lawyer was greeted by an angel at the gates of Heaven. "We've been waiting for you for a long time," the angel said.
"What do you mean?" Jack replied. "I'm 46, right in the prime of my life, far too young to die."
"You're not 46, you're 85," said the angel. "If you think I'm 85 then you definitely have the wrong guy. I can even show you my birth certificate," Jack said.
The angel told Jack to wait while she went and checked some records. After a few minutes the angel returned and said, "By our records you are 85. I've checked all the hours you've billed your clients and you definitely have to be 85!"