Incorrect Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The 5 questions most feared by men are:1...What are you thinking about? 2...Do you love me? 3...Do I look fat? 4...Do you think she is prettier than me? 5...What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly(i.e., tells the truth).As a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible Responses.Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a...Baseball. b...Football. c...How fat you are. d...How much prettier she is than you. e...How I would spend the insurance money if you died.Perhaps the best response to this question was more...

    IN THE BEGINNING [author unknown]
    (To justify God’s ways to the 21st century.)
    In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
    : Let there be light!
    #Enter user id.
    : God
    #Enter password.
    : Omniscient
    #Password incorrect. Try again.
    : Omnipotent
    #Password incorrect. Try again.
    : Technocrat
    #And God logged on at 12: 01: 00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
    : Let there be light!
    #Unrecognizable command. Try again.
    : Create light
    #Done
    : Run heaven and earth
    #And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
    #And God logged off at 12: 02: 00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
    #Approx. funds remaining: $92. 50.
    #And God logged on at 12: 01: 00 AM, Monday, March 2.
    : Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
    #Unrecognizable command. Try again.
    : Create firmament
    #Done.
    : Run firmament
    #And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 more...

    The 5 toughest questions that women ask men, and the answers...
    The questions are:
    1.
    What are you thinking about?
    2.
    Do you love me?
    3.
    Do I look fat?
    4.
    Do you think she is prettier than me?
    5.
    What would you do if I died?
    What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
    Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How more...

    It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.

    * 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
    * 114,500 mismatched pairs of shoes will be shipped/year.
    * 18,322 pieces of mail will be mishandled/hour.
    * 2,000,000 documents will be lost by the IRS this year.
    * 2.5 million books will be shipped with the wrong covers.
    * Two planes landed at Chicago's O'Hare airport will be unsafe every day.
    * 315 entries in Webster's Dictionary will be misspelled.
    * 20,000 incorrect drug prescriptions will be written this year.
    * 880,000 credit cards in circulation will turn out to have incorrect cardholder information on their magnetic strips.
    * 103,260 income tax returns will be processed incorrectly during the year.
    * 5.5 million cases of soft drinks produced will be flat.
    * 291 pacemaker operations will be performed incorrectly.
    * 3056 copies of tomorrow's Wall Street Journal will be missing one of the three sections... now that's a real problem!!!

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