Definition Jokes / Recent Jokes

Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?

Lysdexia: a peech imspediment we live to learn with...

43.3% of statistics are meaningless!

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive.

It said' Insert disk #3', but only two will fit.

Which is the non-smoking lifeboat?

|||||||//////__ __ __ __ __ The domino effect at work.

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

Just fill out one simple form to win a Tax Audit!

Grow your own Dope - Plant a Politician.

Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.

The buck doesn't even slow down here!

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.

Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Advice is free: more...

Q: Whats the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.

What's the definition of a minor second? Two violists playing in unison.

The party of the first part (herein referred to as "she"), being of sound mind and pretty good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as "him"):
1. FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship (colloquially referred to as the "first date"), each party agrees to fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarre religious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange political affiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that have not yet been terminated.
Further, each party agrees to make known any deep-seated complexes and/or fanatical obsessions with pets, careers, and/or organized sports. Failure to make these disclosures will result in the immediate termination of said relationship before it has a chance to get anywhere.
2. INDEMNIFICATION OF FRIENDS: Both parties agree to hold the person who arranged the liaison (colloquially referred more...

Definition of ProgrammerProgrammer: A person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumberable poundings, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures from inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.

The definition of a recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you loose yours.

What's the definition of a school report? A poison pen letter from the principal.