Delete Jokes / Recent Jokes

YOUR DELETE KEY
Thank you for using the Delete Key. The Delete Key is an amazing new technology available to all computer users. It is simple, effective, and very user-friendly. If this is your first time using the Delete Key, we urge you to read the entire contents of this manual. Please do not delete this manual. This may cause you to use the delete key in a reckless or insufficient manner.
INTRODUCTION
The Delete Key provides a keyboard based, fully manual method for the removal of information. Furthermore, use of the Delete Key in conjunction with the small amount of brain matter you have left may induce a tingling sensation of pleasure.
Failure to use the Delete Key may result in aggravation, humiliation, and knee-jerk reactionism. This manual will help you locate and implement a full Delete Key pressing method to ensure your peace of mind remains unaltered.
LOCATING THE DELETE KEY
Lift your hands off the key board.
Scan the keys for a key labeled more...

Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please.
We wanna give you a warning,
'Cause I found out this morning,
About a dangerous, insidious computer virus.
If you should get it, an email with the subject, 'stinky cheese',
Better off protecting your chances,
Under no circumstances, should you open it,
Or else it will...
Translate your documents into Swahili,
Make your TV record "Gigli",
Neuter your pets, and give you laundry static cling,
Look out!
It's gonna make your computer screen freeze,
Look out!
Erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs,
Look out!
Erase your hard drive and your backups too,
And the hard drive of anyone related to you!
Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody!
Soon, very soon, it will make all the paint peel off your walls,
It'll make your keyboard all sticky,
Give your poodle a hickey,
And invest your more...

*** VIRUS ALERT ***
If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes" delete it immediately. Do not open it! It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It demagnetises the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer.
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
It will replace your shampoo more...

New Computer Viruses!
John Bobbit Virus- Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)
•Oprah Winfrey Virus- Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.
•Politically Correct Virus- Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
•Right to Life Virus- Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
•Government Economist Virus- Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
•Federal Bureaucrat Virus- Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
•AT&T Virus- Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are more...

Why is it so hard to tell the truth but so easy to tell a lie?
Why are we so sleepy in church but
Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up?
Why is it so hard to talk about God but yet so easy to talk about bad stuff?
Why is it so boring to look at a Christian magazine, yet so easy to look at a dirty one?
Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e-mail but we forward all of the dirty ones?
Why are the churches getting smaller but yet the bars and dance clubs are getting larger?
Do you give up?
Think about it...
Are you going to forward this, or delete it?
To terrify others, forward this to at least 10 people.

AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...

"Hard drive" -
Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard" -
1. Place to hang your truck keys.
2. Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em.
"Window" -
Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy" -
When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem" -
1. How you got rid of your dandelions.
2. What you did to da hay fields last July. (from NetDummy Humor)
"ROM" -
Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte" -
First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot" -
What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
"Network" -
Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse" -
1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
2. What leaves those little turds in da more...