Demanding Jokes / Recent Jokes
' Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves","Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north poleWere alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clearThat Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!? The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E. P. A. And people had started to call for the copsWhen they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened." And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows: Rudolf was suing over more...
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E. P. A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called more...
David Letterman presented an hour-by-hour account of a day in the life of Osama bin Laden:7:00 am: "He wakes up and asks his assistant,' Am I still alive?'" 8:00 am: "Has a nutritious breakfast of sand and dirt." 10:30 am: "He takes his camel in for a tune-up at Mazar-e-Sharif Amoco." 11:30 am: "Has trouble opening a jar of peanut butter; declares jihad against Skippy." 1:00 pm: "Tae-Bo." 1:30 pm: "Records a video demanding America surrender or else he'll make another video demanding America surrender." 2:30 pm: "He's a celebrity judge at a wet burqa contest." 3:00 pm: "Picks Mullah Omar's name in this year's Secret Santa drawing." 4:00 pm: "Turns on CNN to closely study the moves of his opponents. Gets bored, switches to Oprah." 5:00 pm: "Gets scolded for not taking out the trash by wives 3, 8, and 16." 9:00 pm: "Plots strategy for upcoming week: cower underground like a spooked more...
1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the penis as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be worshipped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down.
2. BEING NAKED: Very few female bodies are good to look it so please make an effort to cover up as much as possible with exotic lingerie. Match the outfit to suit your bod. If you've got a half-decent arse but no tits for example, wear stockings and suspenders and cover your meagre mammaries with something silky.
3. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it!
4. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be arsed to scream to show your appreciation, at least more...