Demonstrate Jokes / Recent Jokes
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.
This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.
The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"
Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the more...
There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief. A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him more...
A sergeant-major in the Paras was giving a lecture to some raw recruits.
''If you want to be part of this regiment,'' he shouted at them, ''then you need to have COMMITMENT! What do you need?''
''COMMITMENT, sergeant-major!'' the recruits all shouted back.
''Right, I shall now demonstrate my COMMITMENT to this regiment.''
The sergeant-major then ordered one of the men to open a nearby door. Almost as soon as the squaddie turned the handle, the door was pushed open and in slithered a ten-foot-long alligator, snarling and snapping. The sergeant-major then undid his belt and dropped his trousers. Almost as soon as he did so, the alligator ran up and sank his teeth right into the sergeant-major's love truncheon. The sergeant-major barely winced. ''This,'' he shouted. ''is what we in the Parachute Regiment call COMMITMENT!'' He weaited several seconds more to make his point and then swiftly jabbed the alligator in both eyes with his fingers.
The alligator flipped over more...
The Marine 3-star general in charge of the joint office called his entire staff in for an indoctrination meeting. When they were all inside, the general had his aide close the door and said, "If you're going to work in this office, you need to have COMMITMENT, each and every one of you. Nothing is more important."
He then said to his aide, "Let him go." The aide opened up the door to a side office, and in ran a 7-foot long alligator, snarling and snapping.
The general looked straight at his new people and said "You're each going to have to demonstrate COMMITMENT."
He then undid his belt and dropped his trousers around his knees. Immediately the alligator ran up and sunk his teeth right into the general's family jewels and held on tight. The general winced, but instantly composed himself and shouted, "This is COMMITMENT!"
He waited several seconds more, then took two of his fingers and jabbed the alligator in both eyes. The gator more...
Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.
A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"
Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"
Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head more...