Demonstration Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mindreader is at a nightclub one night and decides to give a small demonstration of her abilities.

First, she reads the mind of the lead guitarist: "Wow, look at all the cute chicks who showed up tonight! Good crowd!"

Then the drummer: "Lots of people showed up tonight... Great! we're going to make good money tonight"

Then the Keyboard player: "All three of these guys have no appreciation of my talent... What a bunch of losers"

Finally, the Bass player: "C... G... C... G..."

Worms
A seventh grade Biology teacher arranged a demonstration for his class.
He took two earth worms and in front of the class he did the following.
He dropped the first worm into a beaker of water where it dropped to the bottom and wriggled about.
He dropped the second worm into a beaker of Ethyl alcohol and it immediately shrivelled up and died.
He asked the class if anyone knew what this demonstration was intended to show them.
A boy in the second row immediately shot his arm up and, when called on said: "You're showing us that if you drink alcohol, you won't have worms."

6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: more...

THE FOLLOWING STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT USAGE OF OBSCENE LANGUAGE IN A SEXUAL
CONTEXT. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE BELOW THE ACCEPTABLE AGE OF 18 YEARS. THE
AUTHOR IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY VIOLATION OR IGNORANCE OF THIS WARNING.
There was once a journalist roaming the streets of Arabia, when he stumbled
upon this authentic Arabian market. Interested, as he were, he went inside,
talking to the natives there, and buying a variety of things, when he
suddenly had this feeling that he was getting late. He looked around, and
saw an arab sitting near a camel, with the camel standing in front of him.
The arab was seated on a mat.
The man, bending down, asked the arab,
"Excuse me sir, but what's the time now?"
The arab looked up at the man, took up his hands and placed them carefully
underneath the camels balls, and started rocking them to and fro. Within
minutes of this exotic pendulum motion of the camel's scrotal more...

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream 'MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!' 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles. 7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable. 8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King.. 9. ..but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're 'astronaut food'. 10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from 'Dianetics.' 11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I. 12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, 'You mean you really can't more...

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. He put four worms into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of semen.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of good, clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the minister reported the following results.
The first worm in alcohol - dead.
Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.
Third worm in semen - dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
The minister asked the congregation - "What can we learn from this demonstration?

A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said;
As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you wont have worms.

New York, NY - September 2004

6: 00 PM - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell

6: 30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance

6: 35 PM - Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)

6: 45 PM - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing

6: 46 PM - Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on “Are Elections Really Necessary? ”

7: 30 PM - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan

7: 35 PM - Trent Lott: “Re-segregation in the 21st Century”

7: 40 PM - EPA Address #1: Mercury: It’s What’s for Dinner

8: 00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next

8: 10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8: 15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children

8: 30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)

8: 50 PM - Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future

9: 00 PM - Condi Rice sings more...