Desert Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he was hit and thrown to the side of the tracks, with some internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After months in the hospital recovering, he was at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly heard the tea kettle whistling. He grabbed a baseball bat from the nearby closet and bashed the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushed into the kitchen, saw what had happened, and asked the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replied, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."

There are these three guys in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in the horizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. The first guy goes up to the door to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old, wart-covered, puss covered, scaly, toothless old woman.

"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" he asks.

She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."

The guy pukes all over the woman and runs back to his friends.

"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" he tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."

"Why didn't you then?" asks he second guy.

"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"

"Oh, you are such a wuss. I'll go up to the door," the second guy says.

He goes up to the door and rings the bell. The more...

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the more...

Bill lived in the desert and everyday he had to walk three miles to get to the market.
One day as he was walking to the market he saw a man lying on the ground with a huge erection.
"What are doing?" asked Bill.
"I am telling time." said the guy.
"Oh really? What time is it?" replied Bill.
"It's 7:47." the guy responded.
Bill checked his watch and sure enough it was 7:47 "Wow, that's a great trick." He said as he continued to the market.
The next day on the way to the market Bill saw the same guy.
"Hi there, I see you are still telling time, so what time is it?"
The guy hesitated, then said, "It's 7:53."
Bill looked at his watch and sure enough it was 7:53. He congradulated the guy and once again headed to the market.
On the third day Bill saw the same guy, and again asked him the time and sure enough the guy got it right again. Bill went on his way to the market.
That more...

One day, a young camel decided to ask his father some questions about growing up.' Daddy, why is it that we have humps on our backs?'' Well son, we have humps on our backs which contain fat to sustain us through many days when we are out in the desert.'

' Oh thanks, Dad!' says the youngster. He then asks,' Daddy, why is it that we have long eye lashes over our eyes?'' Well son,' says the father,' in the desert, there are many sandstorms which whip up a lot of sand which can get into our eyes. The long eye lashes protect our eyes from being blinded.'

' Oh thanks, Dad!' says the youngster.' Dad, why is it that we have great big padded feet?'' Well son, in the desert, the sand is very soft and we need big feet to be able to walk on the sand without our feet sinking into the soft sand.'

' Well thanks, Dad, but what the heck are we doing in London Zoo?'

Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said,' 'You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink.

The first man went down yelling,' 'Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.

The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.

The third guy went down the slide yelling' 'wheeeeeeeee!!!'''

In the summer desert heat, what did a dust devil say to the over-talkative dust devil? -You are really blowing a lot of hot air