Desert Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ed and Fred were flying along when the two idiots crash-landed on a desert island.
"What should we do?", said Ed.
"Hmmm, let's think.", replied Fred.
Ed shook his head, "No, let's do something you can do too!"

Ed and Fred were flying along when the two idiots crash-landed on a desert island."What should we do?", said Ed."Hmmm, let's think.", replied Fred.Ed shook his head, "No, let's do something you can do too!"

One thing that makes me believe in UFOs is, sometimes I lose stuff.

It's amazing to me that one of the world's most feared diseases would be carried by one of the world's smallest animals: the real tiny dog.

Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain - unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.

I guess more bad things have been done in the name of progress than any other. I myself have been guilty of this. When I was a teenager, I stole a car and drove it out into the desert and set it on fire. When the police showed up, I just shrugged and said, "Hey, progress." Boy, did I have a lot to more...

A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. Whilestanding in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears thiswhistle - Whooee da Whoee! - but doesn't know what it is.Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. It wasonly a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internalinjuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's houseattending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hearsthe teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closetand proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizablelump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my goodtea kettle?"The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they'resmall."

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.

Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.

"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account.

A Polak, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?"The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had more...

This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years.

One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!", he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to more...