Detroit Jokes / Recent Jokes

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was more...

All workers please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy.MemorandumTo: All EmployeesFrom: HeadquartersSubject: Business Travel Policy GuidelinesDate: June 16, 2000Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead.TransportationIf commercial transportation must be utilized, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and, the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting with a customer is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible.Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure more...

Due to the current financial situation, changes will be made to the Business Travel Standards and Procedures Manual. Effective Monday, the following revised procedures apply:

Lodging

All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

Transportation

Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel more...

The Detroit chapter of the NAACP held a symbolic funeral for the N-word. According to those close to the story, the deceased is survived by his C-word wife.

Four hockey fans are mountain climbing.
Each climber happens to be a rabid fan of a different NHL team.
As they climb higher and higher, they argue more and more about which of them is the most loyal to their particular team. Finally, as they reach the summit, the climber from Detroit takes a running leap and throws himself off the mountain, yelling, “This is for the Detroit Red Wings. ”
Not wanting to be outdone, the climber from St. Louis throws himself off the mountain, shouting, “This is for the St. Louis Blues. ”
Seeing this, the Ottawa climber walks to the edge and yells, “This is for hockey fans everywhere! ” He then pushes the fan from Toronto off.

A 57-year-old Detroit woman avoided serious injury when the underwire on her bra deflected a bullet shot at her, police said.
I don't think this is what she had in mind when she seductively told her date she doesn't mind taking a shot to the chest every now and then.

One a daya I'ma go to Detroit to a biga hotel. Ina morning I'ma go down to eta the breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two piss's toast.
She bring me only one a piss,
I tella I wanna two piss's, she say to go to the toilet. I say you no unnerstan, I wanna two piss ona my plate,
She say you better not piss on your plate, you sonnama bitch.
I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonnema bitch.
Later I'ma go to eta at biga restaurant,
The waitress brings me spoon and knife but no fock,
I tell her I wanna fock,
She tell me everybody wanna fock,
I tell her you no unnerstan, I wanna fock ona table,
She say you better no fock ona table, you sonnama bitch
So I'ma go back in my room I'ma hotel and theres no s#it ona my bed, I calla the manager an tell him I wanna s#it ona my bed.
He tell me go to the toilet.
I say you no unnerstan, I say again I wanna s#it ona my bed, he say you better not s#it ona the bed you sonnama more...