Diamond Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man walks into a jewelry store to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring. Looking behind the glass case, he comes across an exquisite band with a handsome-sized rock in its center.
“Excuse me sir, ” the gentleman says to the salesman. “How much is this ring? ”
“Ah, that's a beautiful piece, ” the salesman replies. “It goes for $10, 000. ”
“My God! ” the man exclaimed. “That's a lot of money! ”
“Yes, but a diamond is forever. ”
“Perhaps, ” the gentleman replied, “but my marriage won't last that long! ”

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant." "But you are not wearing any of those things." "I know," she said. "Its in case I should die before my husband. Im sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what; metal, wood, plastic - anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge.

The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is more...

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex."
"But you are not wearing any of those things" replied the artist.
"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."

A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. "This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."

"What's the curse?" the man asked.

"Mr. Klopman."

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex.""But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied."I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."

one day there was a rich man and a poor man. the rich man walks up to the poor man and tells him "it was my wifes birthday last week" and the poor man said "what did you get her" the rich man said "i got her a diamond ring and a BMW." the poor man says " why did u get her that" and the rich man says" because if she dosent like the diamond ring she can drive it back to the store. the poor man says "it was my wifes birthday last week too" the rich man says "what did you get her" the poor man says "a pair of slippers and a dildo" the rich man says "why did you get her that" then the poor man says "because if she dosent like the slippers she can go fuck herself.