Diane Jokes / Recent Jokes
A neighbor dropped in to see her friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee, her four kids arguing loudly in the next room.
"What's the matter, Diane?" she asked
"Morning sickness," Diane groaned.
"I didn't even know you were pregnant," said the surprised neighbor.
"I'm not!" replied a very harried Diane. "I'm just sick of mornings!"
Diane began her job as an elementary school counselor and was very eager to help.
One day during recess she noticed a boy standing all alone on one side of a playing field, while the rest of the kids were enjoying a game of soccer at the other. She approached the boy and asked if he was alright. He told her that he was.
A short time later, Diane noticed that the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.
She approached him again and asked, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated for a moment, then said, "Sure," while looking at her suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Diane asked, "Why are you standing here all by yourself?"
"Because," the boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie."
In July, Diane Parker accompanied her husband, Richard W. Parker, (who had been accused of drug trafficking) to federal court in Los Angeles.
According to friends, Diane was so supportive that she had come prepared to put up her investment property and her mother's townhouse to make Richard's bail.
However, the prosecutor began reciting to the judge facts about Richard's double life that included a mistress and a safe house, and Diane's expression changed dramatically.
She removed her wedding ring with a flourish, walked out of court, immediately drove to an Orange County office where the mistress worked, and punched her several times before being restrained.
Diane was married to a real male chauvinist. Although they both worked full-time, he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework.
One day Steve, her husband, read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job. So, one evening, he declared to do her work.
When Diane arrived home from work, she was stunned to see the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner cooking on the stove, and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was truly astonished and wanted to know what was going on. When she asked Steve, he told her about the article he had read.
The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office. "How did it work out?" they asked.
Diane said, "Steve even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the more...
Who`s the pirate`s favorite actress? Diane Cannon.
Jack’s grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men’s names! Whenever they went out in public,she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her. Diane, he said, the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me ten million dollars when he died" "Don’t be ridiculous, she replied, I don’t care who gave you the money!"