Diane Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jack's grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him.

After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men's names!

Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her.

"Diane," he said, "was the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me ten million dollars when he died?"

"Don't be ridiculous," she replied, "I don't care who gave you the money!"

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

George was brokenhearted.

After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June. Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news.

"Diane is your half sister too, George. I'm awfully sorry about this."

George was livid! He more...

While Diane was getting to know Dave and his family, she was quite impressed by how much his parents seemed to love each other.
"They seem so thoughtful," she said. "Goodness, your dad even brings your mom a cup of coffee in bed every morning."
Eventually, Diane and Dave became engaged, and then married.
Returning home after their wedding reception, Diane again commented about Dave's loving parents and the coffee in bed.
"Tell me, darling," Diane said, "does it run in the family?"
"It sure does, honey," Dave replied. "I take after my mom!"

A small business owner was faced with the problem of having to downsize his company. He added up all the receipts and discovered he had to fire one of his employees. He looked in his files and saw that his newest employees were Diane and Jack.
Because they had started on the same day at the same time, he wondered how he would make the decision on who to fire. Finally he decided that he would fire the first one he saw taking a break. About ten minutes later he saw Diane leaning against the wall next to the water cooler.
He walked over to her with a serious look on his face and said, "Diane, it seems as though I'm going to have to either lay you or Jack off."
Diane looked at her employer and said, "Well, you're going to have to jack off because I have a headache."

In her Good Morning America interview with Iranian President Ahmadinejad on Monday, Diane Sawyer put on the requisite headdress.

I must say, those things can be quite flattering. Check her out:


And since it's good to be prepared, here's me: