Dick Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Horses are at the gate:

1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Dick
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry


And away they go:

Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk anties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs, Big Dick is in a very dangerous spot.

In the back stretch:

It's Bare Belly on top. Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.

Around the final turn:

Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Dick is making a final drive. Bare Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.

At The Finish:

It's Big Dick giving everything he's got more...

Well their are three guyz on a bridge fishing. they all think there dicks are bigger than each others so... the one guy throws his dick over the bridge. and he says my almost reaches the water.the 2nd guy throws his dick over and says burrrr! the waters cold. the 3rd guy throws his over and says to the 2nd guy! and deep too!

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Alaska.

The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead, I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"

And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.

"Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!" And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at EASE!" And his dick deflated again.

"Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!"

The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what he had accomplished.

So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a more...

One day this girl goes to her father, "Dad, I really want to see that movie that just came out, can I please go watch it." The dad replies, "Only if you suck my dick." the girl refuses but says, "please dad, I really really really want to go to the movies." The dad says again, "Only if you suck my dick, then Ill take you." Eventually the girl gives in and sucks his chop. As soon as she does, she leaps back and goes "Eewwww, it tastes like shit!", so the dad says, "Yeah, your brother wanted to go to the movies too."

there was a man and a women having sex his mom says basterd and his dad says bitch so the kid went up to his dad and asked what dose bitch mean it means lady went up to his mom and asked what dose basterd mean it means gentalmean.so there where having sex agin and his mom says nice dick and his dad says nice tits so the kid went up to his mom and asked what dose dick mean it means coat whent up to his dad and asked what dose tits mean it means hats.his dad was shaving he cut his self he said shit so the kid went up to his dad what dose shit mean it means shaving.his mom was cutting turkey for thanksgiving she cut her self she said fuck so the kid asked her what dose fuck mean it means cutting turkey.so a group of people came in and the boy said hellow basterd and bitches hang up youre dicks and tits my dad is in the bathroom shiting and my mom is in the kitchen fucken the turkey

10. You've got a hole in your head.
9. Your master strangles you all the time.
8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.
7. You shrink in cold water.
6. You never get a haircut.
5. You always hang around with 2 nuts.
4. Your closest neighbor is an asshole.
3. Your best friend is a pussy.
2. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish.
And the number one reason why it sucks to be a dick:
1. Everytime you get excited, you throw up.

A guy's car breaks down in the middle of town, and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to be fixed. He finds a very small hotel and walks in.
He asks the man at the counter, "Do you have any rooms available?"
The man at the counter says, "Yeah, but don't stick your dick in the 3 holes."
"OK." The guy agrees and walks to his room.
A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets curious and sticks his dick in the first hole.
He says, "Ahh, that feels good!" Then he sticks his dick in the second hole, "Ahh, that feels even better!" Then he sticks his dick in the third hole, "OUCH! My dick!!"
He quickly pulled his dick out and it was all bloody. He was very confused, but he went to sleep.
The next day he went to the counter to see what was in the holes, but before he could ask anything the man at the counter said, "You stuck your dick in the three holes more...