Dick Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two guys are susposed to meet at 4: 30. Charley shows up at
4: 30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5: 00, Paul shows up and
Charley says, "Where have you been? You're a 1/2 hour late."
Paul replies, "Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick's
been hurting bad."
Charley says, "If your dick's been hurting, why did you go
to the dentist?"
Paul answers, "Because I had a tooth stuck in it."

A guy's car breaks down in the middle of town, and he looks for a hotel to stay in while he waits for his car to be fixed. He finds a very small hotel and walks in.He asks the man at the counter, "Do you have any rooms available?"The man at the counter says, "Yeah, but don't stick your dick in the 3 holes.""OK." The guy agrees and walks to his room. A couple of days go by and his car is still in the shop. He gets curious and sticks his dick in the first hole. He says,"Ahh, that feels good!" Then he sticks his dick in the second hole,"Ahh, that feels even better!" Then he sticks his dick in the third hole,"OUCH! My dick!!"He quickly pulled his dick out and it was all bloody. He was very confused, but he went to sleep. The next day he went to the counter to see what was in the holes, but before he could ask anything the man at the counter said, "You stuck your dick in the three holes didn't you?"He said, "Yeah, more...

G.W.Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid.
So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you." She calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
Tony Blair replies, "It's me!"
So G.W. calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."
So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?" And Colin Powell says, "It's me!"
So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell."
And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

This married guy took off all his clothes and laid down naked on the bed.
His wife came in with the vacum cleaner, doing some spring cleaning, when
suddenly the man said: "Suck my dick, woman."
The wife politely answered him by telling him that she is cleaning the
house
and is too busy. The man yells out this time: "SUCK MY DICK! I AM THE MAN
OF
THE HOUSE AND WHAT I SAY GOES!"
So the woman silently and obediently started sucking... while the man
roared
out: "SUCK... SUCK... HARDER... SUCK HARDER!!!" When suddenly he yells:
"BLOW... BLOW... BLOW... THE BLANKET'S UP MY ASS!!!"

This man was walking to his house and saw a tornado and it was coming towards him and then it knocked down his house so he ran and ran and ran then he saw a farm house it looked pretty safe so he ran to it and asked the guy if he could stay there for the night and told him why not then the farmer showed him where he would be staying and said there just one rule he said dont stick your dick through thoes three holes so he said ok but he was curious that night so he stuck his dick though the first hole and said ooo this feels weird then stuck hus dick though the second hole and said ooo oohh this feels so good yes, but he still wanted to feel what was in the third hole so he stuck his dick in it and said aaahhhhhhhh fuckin bitchass mother fukin pice of shit aaaahhhhhh! so he woke up the next morning to see the farmer hovering over him he said you stuck your dick through the three holes didn't ya he said yes and so the farmer said i might as well tell ya what was in the three holes the more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Dick!
Dick who?
Dick potatoes out of the ground!

A white guy and a black guy died and were on their way up to Heaven and they had to stop at the Pearly Gates before they could enter. So the Angel Gabriel was there waiting for them, and he told them that they had to do something before they could go anywhere. He told the white guy to pull down his pants, so he did and Gabriel grabbed his dick and squeezed. It instantly melted. The white screamed in pain, and was sent downstairs. Gabriel told the black guy to do the same, and he grabbed his dick and squeezed but nothing happened. When Gabriel asked him why it didn't affect him, he said, "This is the type of chocolate that melts in your mouth and not in your hands".