Dick Jokes / Recent Jokes
there was three flys in a jar 2 female 1 male the one of the females ask the male how do we get out of here the male said suck my dick and I will tell you so she did he told her fly to the top as fast as you can so she did and she broke her neck and fell down and died the other female asked the same question did the same thing and died the same way
the male got tired of being in there with two dead girls and got out
now ask how he got out and scroll down
suck my dick and I will tell you
This guy is sitting at a bar having a few wobbly-pops and suddenly gets this feeling that he has to go make an urgent call to the potty. So he goes into the bathroom and sees this really short guy taking a piss. He takes the stall next to this short guy, and while taking a piss the guy happens to look over at the little guy and by accident sees his dick. He just can't help saying to the guy "man that is a big dick! I wish that I had a dick that big!"
"Well" says the little guy," I'm leprechaun and I can grant you one wish, and all you have to do is suck on me wang!"
In horror of the thought the man exclaims, "I don't think so you little faggot, even for a dick that size!"
"Fine then" says the leprechaun.
But after a minute of thinking the man says "Alright I'll do it." So the man starts to suck the leprechaun's dick and when he is finished he says "I can't believe that I am going to have a dick that more...
Top 75 Reasons Why Women Should Not Have Freedom Of Speech
1. She doesn't need to talk to get me a beer.
2. If she's in the kitchen like she should be, no one can hear her anyway.
3. If she can talk, all she'll do is complain.
4. Because she won't say "I will" instead of "I do."
5. No man wants to hear "first down" during a basketball game.
6. Because PMS is no excuse for whining.
7. No man needs or wants to hear the word "period" unless it has to do with hockey.
8. Women created tampon and yeast infection commercials during football.
9. Affirmative action.
10. When men whistle at them in the street, they should just shut up and obey.
11. If my dick's in her mouth, she can't talk anyway.
12. Oprah.
13. Feminists.
14. Because that stupid look on her face should not be accompanied by an equally stupid statement.
15. The 2nd and 19th amendments.
16. I don't want to be made to lie and more...
One day, a young boy heard his parents having an argument. While they were arguing, the boy heard his mom call his dad a bastard, and his dad call his mom a bitch. After they were done, he asked his mom what a bastard was and she replied by saying it was a boy. He then asked his dad what a bitch was and he replied that it was a girl.
That night, the boy heard them having sex and also heard them say tit and dick. The next day, which happened to be Thanksgiving, he asked his dad what a tit was and his father said it was a hat. Then he asked his mom what a dick was and she said it was a coat.
A short time later, when he entered the kitchen, his mother was stuffing the turkey, cut her finger and said, "Fuck!" So, the boy asked what fuck was and the mother said, "It's what I'm doing to this turkey."
Then, he was watching his father shave his beard. His father cut himself and said, "Shit!" The boy asked his father what shit was and the father more...
A nun and a priest decide to go on a mission to preach about their religion. Unfortunately to reach everyone they have to go accross the desert. So they buy this cheap camel from a used camel dealer and start their journey. After about three days of crossing the desert they settle in for another nights sleep. In the morning they discover that the camel has died. With no other way to cross the desert they both accept their fate and look forward to meeting the heavens. In order to comfort the nun the priest gives her last rites and preaches.
To further comfort her he asks,"Sister is there any question I can answer you before we parish? Any mystery I can solve?"
The nun says, " I have one question, what is a penis?" The priest explains that it is the male sex organ and can also be referred to as a dick or cock.
The nun says, "Really, what is it used for?"
And the priest replies, "It is used to create life!!!"
With a shocked more...
It's a very cold winter's night, so three homeless guys huddle up close to stay warm.
When they wake up in the morning, the guy on the left says, "I had a dream somebody was pulling on my dick all night."
The guy on the right says, "I had a dream somebody was pulling on my dick too."
The guy in the middle says, "I had a dream I went skiing."
Reasons Women Should Not Have Freedom of Speech...1. She doesn't need to talk to get me a beer.2. If she's in the kitchen like she should be, no one can hear her anyway.3. If she can talk, all she'll do is complain.4. Because she won't say "I will" instead of "I do."5. No man wants to hear "first down" during a basketball game.6. Because PMS is no excuse for whining.7. No man needs or wants to hear the word "period" unless it has to do with hockey.8. Women created tampon and yeast infection commercials during football.9. Affirmative action.10. When men whistle at them in the street, they should just shut up and obey.11. If my dick's in her mouth, she can't talk anyway.12. Oprah.13. Feminists.14. Because that stupid look on her face should not be accompanied by an equally stupid statement.15. The 2nd and 19th amendments.16. I don't want to be made to lie and say "I love you" after sex.17. Highway fatalities would decrease by over more...