Dick Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three men went to the doctor's office... The first man runs into his office and yells:
"Doctor! Doctor! Help me! I've got a green ring around my dick!" and the doctor replies:
"Oh well you'll die in 2 weeks"
The second man runs into his office yelling:
"Doctor! Doctor! Help me! I've got a yellow ring around my dick!" and the doctor replies:
"Oh well you'll die in 2 weeks"
The third man runs into the room yelling:
"Doctor! Doctor! Help me! I've got a red ring around my dick!" and the doctor replies:
"Don't worry---it's just lipstick"
A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porchtogether, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler. the little boy asked,"Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch yourass?"The little boy answered no. Grandpa said "Then youre not man enough to have a beer."A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your dick touch yourass?" The little boy answered no, again. Grandpa said, "Then your not manenough to have a cigar." A little later, the little boy came out of thehouse With a cookie. Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?"The boy asked "Can your dick touch your ass?"Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass!" The boy replied,"Then go fuck yourself, Grandma made these cookies for me."
Dick and Sandra were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary. Sandra said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon."
"Uh huh," said Dick.
"Will we do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon?" asked Sandra.
"Uh huh," said Dick.
"And will we make love like we did on our first honeymoon?" asked
Sandra.
"That's right," said Richard, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry,' It's too big, it's too big!'"
George Bush and Dick Cheney are watching the 6 o'clock news on TV one evening. Cheney bets Bush $50 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 40 story building, will jump.
"I'll take that bet," Bush replied. A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. Cheney, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to Bush and tells him that he does not need to pay the $50.
"No, a bet's a bet," Bush replied, "I owe you $50 dollars."
Cheney, feeling even more guilty, replied, "No, you don't understand, I saw the 3:00 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out."
"That's okay," said Bush, "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
West Verginian hillbilly
One afternoon the daughter of a West Verginian hillbilly asked her father if she could have some money for the dance.Her father replied well darlin you know what you got to do.The daughter replies daddy I ain't doing it I wont suck your dick.The father says no head no money.Fine the daughter says and walks away.About a half hour later she comes back and says fine daddy I'll do it.She goes down on daddy and comes back up spitting, daddy your dick tastes like shit.yea the father replies your brother wanted to go to the dance to.
A boy goes on a fishing trip with his grandpa. They install themselves on the river bank and have brought with them all the provisions they need for a fine day's fishing. After a while, grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy gazes on. He knows his parents won't allow him to smoke, but he gets on well with his grandpa, so he asks' Can I have one of those cigarettes?'Grandpa, knowing he shouldn't encourage the boy in a bad habit, but not wanting give a curt' no' asks' Does your dick reach your ass?'. The boy replies' No, it doesn't'.' Then,' said grandpa,' you aren't old enough to smoke.'Half an hour later grandpa opens a six pack. The boy has always wanted to taste beer so he asks grandpa for a swig.' Does your dick reach your ass?' asks the old man.' No, replies the boy.'' Then you're not big enough to touch beer,' comes the reply. By and by the boy feels hungry and opens his lunch box. He finds a pack of cookies there and takes one out to eat it. Grandpa sees this and fancies a cookie more...
A woman invented this ray gun that will shut down a car instinately. No one buys it so she didn't make any money off it. So she decides to make money her own way. One day she pointed it to this car with a man in it and it shut down. The woman lets the man stay the night in the guest bedroom. when the man wakes up he finds his dick in her mouth and she holds up a sign that says give me $50 or I'll bite. The man pays up.
The woman does this over and over again, but this one day she did the same routine and she puts his dick in her mouth and waits till he wakes up. When he woke up she held up her sign that said $50 or I'll bite then the man puts up a sign saying $150 or I'll piss.