Dick Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny and his dad went shopping at the grocery store. Walking down an aisle, Johnny asked his dad if he could have a box of Lucky Charms. His dad said," Well, Johnny, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"

Johnny said, "No!!"

Johnny's dad said, "Well, there's your answer."

Later, Johnny asked if he could have Spagettios. His dad, again, said, "Can you touch your asshole with your dick?"

Johnny said, "No!!"

His dad said, "Well, there's your answer."

At the end of the shopping trip, Johnny's dad felt bad about how he had talked to Johnny, so he bought him an instant lottery ticket. Johnny scratched the ticket and found that he won $1,000!!!

His dad said, "Hey, Johnny, you gonna share the money with your old man?"

Johnny asked, " Dad, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"

Johnny's dad said, more...

Two guys are susposed to meet at 4: 30. Charley shows up at4: 30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5: 00, Paul shows up andCharley says, "Where have you been? You're a 1/2 hour late." Paul replies, "Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick'sbeen hurting bad." Charley says, "If your dick's been hurting, why did you goto the dentist?" Paul answers, "Because I had a tooth stuck in it."

G.W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he's stupid, so he calls his good friend, Queen Elizabeth who says, "Now George, what you need to do is surround yourself with smart people. Let me demonstrate." She calls in Tony Blair and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It's not your sister, nor is it your brother. Who is it?"
"It's me," answers Mr. Blair.
George then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it's not your brother. Who is it?"
"Gee, that's a tough one George," Cheney says. "Let me get back to you."
Cheney then calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it's not your brother. Who is it?"
"It's me!" answers Colin Powell.
Cheney immediately calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell!"
"No, you fool. It's Tony Blair!" replies Bush.

G.W.Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid.
So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you." She calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
Tony Blair replies, "It's me!"
So G.W. calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."
So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?" And Colin Powell says, "It's me!"
So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell."
And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

Jesse Jackson and Bill Clinton were in the sauna naked when Bill looked down at Jesse's dick and exclaimed "Wow Jesse, your dick is huge! How do you get it so big?" and Jesse says "Well Bill, every night before I go to sleep I take it out and slam my dick across the headboard of my bed and it gets bigger and stays that way."

That night Bill and Hillary were laying in bed and Hillary gets up and goes to the bathroom. Bill remembers what Jesse said about making his dick larger and Bill thinks this is a great time to try it. So He gets up, takes his dick out and starts banging it across the headboard. Just then Hillary yells out from the bathroom "Is that you Jesse?"

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa. The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye, and dick. Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving him the parts he needs - the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a dick. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asks Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him.
"Tarzan like. With new eye, can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong. But no like new wee-wee."
"Why's that?"
"It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ass."

There were once three guys with no dicks. They all went to the doctor's. The first guy says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!""What's the problem?" asks the doctor." I have no dick!"So the doctor gives him a metal dick and tells him to come back in a week. The next guy comes in and says, "Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me!" "What's wrong?" the doctor asks." I have no dick!"The doctor gives him a wooden dick and tells him to come back in a week. The last guy comes in and has the same problem. The doctor gives him an electrical dick, and also tells him to come back in a week. A week later, the first guy with the metal dick goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, doctor, I hate you, I hate you!""Why?" asks the doctor." Well, everytime I have sex with my girlfriend, she starts to shiver!" He walks out. The next guy with the wooden dick comes in and says, "Doctor! I hate more...