Dick Jokes / Recent Jokes

What's so great about being a dick? 1) You've got a head with no brains. 2) Two nuts follow you around all day. 3) Your neighbor is an asshole. 4) Your best friend is a cunt!

TO ALL YOU GIRLS OUT THERE:

Q: How do you show a guy you don't want to have sex when they
ask??? How do you also show a guy and tella guy to put his dick
back in his pants?

A: Simple really........ If he's being a Fat-Ass jerk, won't listen and
won't put his dick back in his pantz, then punch his bigg -ass ballz(if he got
any) back into his skin and he won't have any ballz to enjoy and wack off with.
iF GUYS ARE BY THEMSELF AND ARE LONELY, THEN THEY USUALLY WACK OFF WHENEVER THEY
HAVE THE CHANCE.

Dick and Bob were on a hunting trip. At nightfall, Dick complained,' We've been hunting all day. We've shot at five deer - and not hit one!'' OK. Let's miss two more and then head back to camp,' said Bob.

On the boy's 14th birthday, he went to his dad and said, "Dad, I am 14 years old today. Can I drive your Ferrari?"
Dad said, "Son, can your dick reach up to your arse?" The son replied, "No, Dad."
Dad replied, "Then you can't drive my Ferrari"
When the boy was 16 he went to his dad and said, "Dad, I am 16 years old today. Can I drive your Ferrari?"
Dad said, "Son, can your dick reach up to your arse?" The son replied, "No, not yet, Dad."
Dad said "Then you can't drive my Ferrari"
On the boy's 21st birthday, he went to his dad and said, "Dad, I am 21 years old today. Can I drive your Ferrari?"
Dad said, "Son, can your dick reach up to your arse?" The son replied, "Yes Dad, my dick is now long enough to reach my arse".
Dad said "Then go and screw yourself, but you can't drive my Ferrari"

Money is Short,
And Times are Hard,
So, Here's Your Fucking,
Christmas Card.
'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Everyone felt shitty,
Even the mouse.
With mom at the whorehouse,
And dad smoking grass,
I had just settled down,
For a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn,
I heard such a clatter,
I sprung from my piece,
To see what was the matter.
Then out on the lawn,
I spied a big dick,
I knew in a flash,
It must be Saint Nick.
Down the chimney he came,
Like a bat out of hell,
I knew in a moment,
The old fucker fell.
He filled all our stockings,
With pretzels and beer,
And a big rubber dick,
For my brother the queer.
Then up the chimney he rose,
With a thunderous fart,
The son of a bitch,
Blew the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed,
As he rode out of sight,
Piss on you all,
And have a good night.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

21 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN'S ROOM!
EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.
WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.
ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.
PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.
DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, more...

There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just can't please the ladies because it is just too big, he hasn't found a lady yet who likes it and he can't get any pleasure.
She tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog. When he finds the frog, he is to ask it to marry him. If the frog says no, his cock will shrink 5 inches.
He goes into the woods and finds this frog. He asks "frog, will you marry me?" The frog says "no" And his prick shrinks five inches. The guys thinks to himself, "Wow, that was pretty cool. But, it's still too big." So he goes back to the frog and again asks the frog: "Frog, will you marry me?" Frog: "No, I won't marry you."
The guys dick shrinks another five inches. But that's still 15 inches and he thinks his chop is still just a little bit too big. But he thinks that 10 inches would be just great. He goes more...