Dictionary Jokes / Recent Jokes

The radio show was Queensland FM (QFM) and the host was Jim.
The phone-in competition was to give an English word that's not in the Oxford Dictionary and put the word in a sentence. The first prize was a fortnight for two in Los Angeles.
The show went as follows (don't forget the Aussie accent):
Jim: 'Hi, this is Jim. What's your name and what's your word'
Caller: 'This is Bob from the bush and my word is gaan, spelt g. a. a. n. '
Jim: 'Thanks Bob, my assistants are just checking and they are telling me that the word does not appear in the oxford Dictionary, so for two weeks in Los Angeles, please put your word into a sentence.'
Bob from the bush: 'Gaan f*** yourself!'
Jim immediately breaks the call and puts out the following message: 'Ladies and gents, this is a family show and we would appreciate that any future contestants refrain from using such language.'
Forty-five minutes and many unsuccessful contestants later...
Jim: 'Hi, this is Jim at more...

Two good ol’ boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants.

Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Bubba says, “Hey, Junior - there’s the NCO Club. Let’s you and me stop in and have us a drank. ”

“But we’s privates, ” protests Junior.

“NO, we’s sergeants now, ” says Bubba, pulling him inside

“Now, Junior, I’m gonna sit down and have me a drank. ”

“But, we’s privates, ” says Junior.

“You blind, boy! ” says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. “We’s Sergeants now! ”

So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.

“You’re cute, ” she says, “and I’d like to take you someplace and make you feel good - but I’ve got a bad case of gonorrhea. ”

Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, “Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it’s good, give me the okay more...

Dictionary of Evaluation Comments
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON: Did more...

a Koala bear was bored and had nothing to do, so he decided to pick up a hooker, after he was done with her, he told her U can leave now, the hooker picked up a dictionary and said the definition of hooker "gets paid for sex". the Koala bear picked up a dictionary and said the definition of Koala bear "eats bush and leaves"

A friend of mine sent this to me and I would like to share it with all of you.
A Koala bear and a hooker were having sex, during the sex the Koala bear goes down on the hooker.
After they were finished the Koala bear got up and started to walk out. The hooker stopped him and said you have to pay me.
The koala bear shook his head. So, the hooker pulls out a dictionary and shows the bear the defintion of a hooker - have sex and get paid for it.
The Koala bear then asked for the dictionary and show ed her the definition of a Koala bear - eats bush and leaves.

How is it we look in a dictionary to figure out how to spell something if we don't know how to spell it?

this was actually a dictionary website until it said chuck norris spelled something wrong so he round house kicked it into this.