Dictionary Jokes / Recent Jokes
Did you know that “verb” is a noun?
How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can’t spell them?
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?
If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren’t two houses hice?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
If you’ve read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn’t this also mean that you would have to “member” somebody in order to remember them?
In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?
Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?
Is there another word for a synonym?
Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
What is another word for “thesaurus”?
Where do swear words come more...
Sex Dictionary
Backed Up - Glandular condition that men get from not having sex.
Bad Breaker Upper - Someone who ends a relationship by saying those mean things that people don't mean, but means them.
Home Bed Advantage - The confident feeling one gets while making love in one's own surroundings.
"
It didn't take"
- George's explanation for Susan's short-lived experimentation with lesbianism.
The "
It's-not-you-it's-me"
routine - Breakup method to which George lays claim.
Love - A spice with many tastes, according to Newman.
Make up Sex - The best feature of a heavy relationship; eclipsed only by "
conjugal-visit sex"
.
Master of your Domain - One who can refrain from masturbation. (Also: Lord of the Manor, King of the County, Queen of the Castle.)
Public Fornicator - A porn actor.
Put in - The length of time one has to keep up a relationship after a sexual liaison. Elaine suggests three more...
MegaLawyer Joke Dictionary: "Jury"
Jury: an assemblage of people gathered together to decide who hired the better lawyer.
Did you know that "verb" is a noun?
How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can`t spell them?
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?
If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren`t two houses hice?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
If you`ve read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn`t this also mean that you would have to "member" somebody in order to remember them?
In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?
Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?
Is there another word for a synonym?
Shouldn`t there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
Where do more...
You need a dictionary to spell your name.
You don't change your socks until the first pair rots off.
People ask your wife when her baby's due and she's not pregnant.
Parent's Dictionary of MeaningsDUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblingsPUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar more...
Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle? Because of all the cheetahs! What do you call a elephant that never washes? A smellyphant! Teacher: "Where would you find an elephant?"Pupil:"You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose!" What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you! Teacher:"To which family does the elephant belong?"Pupil:"I don't know, nobody I know owns one!" How do you spell elephant? E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t"That's not how the dictionary spells it""You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it!" Teacher: "Name six wild animals"Pupil:"Four elephants and two lions!" What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court? Annette! Bill: "My homework is really difficult tonight, I've to write an essay on an elephant."? Bert: "Well, for a start your going to need a big ladder.." Why do elephants more...