Died Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man decided he wanted a divorce from his wife of 30 years. After the divorce, they went their separate ways and never saw each other again. A number of years later, the woman died. When she was standing at St. Peter's Gate, he asked her "How was your life?" She replied "It was horrible. My husband of 30 years wanted a divorce, and he took everything. I was really depressed, and I died alone in a car crash." St. Peter responded, "To get into heaven, you have to spell one word." "Okay, what's the word?" "Love" The woman smiled and said "L-O-V-E" "Very good. Welcome to heaven!" A few months later, St. Peter approached the woman, and asked her if she could watch the gate for a few hours. The woman responded "Sure, No problem." While she was watching the gate, she saw her ex-husband approaching. The woman asked him "How has your life gone?" The man smiled and responded, "Well, after our more...

Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, he jumps from the 100th floor
At the 50th floor, he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!
At the 25th flr: He's unmarried!
At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.

BUXTON, N.C. A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel Jones,
21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the
Outer Banks used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, Va., but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital. You
just wouldn't believe the outpouring of concern, people digging with their
hands, using pails from kids," Dare County Sheriff Bert Austin said.

A firefighter died and went to hell where he finds a wall of clocks. After seeing all these clocks on a wall, with his friends names under them, he asked the devil, what the clocks mean?"Thats easy, each time one of your friends mess up on earth, their clock speeds up one hour." says the devil."I dont see the Chiefs clock anywhere?" the fireman says. The devil replied, "Oh him, we have his down in the basement, were using it for a fan."

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested that there be no male pallbearers.

In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote,
"They wouldn`t take me out while I was alive, I don`t want them to take me out when I`m dead."

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her -- "Hello" "How are you! We've been waiting for you!" "Good to see you".

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him,"This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word", Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?", the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband more...

Having been dismissed from office, Ye Heng returned to his native place. One day he fell ill and said to the visitors who had come to see him: " I'm going to die, but I don't know how things are in the netherworld." "Things are just fine down there," answered one of the gentlemen. "How do you know?" Queried Ye, amazed. "If not," explained that gentlemen," those who had died and gone there would flee the netherworld and come back, Since no one who had died ever came back, things down there must be very fine." At this utterance, the company broke out into loud guffaws.