Difference Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? A: The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back. A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why? The conductor. Business before pleasure. Q: Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants? A: They've had so little use. Q: What's the difference between a conductor and a sack of fertilizer? A: The sack. Q: What do you have when a group of conductors are up to their necks in wet concrete? A: Not enough concrete. Did you hear about the planeload of conductors en route to the European Festival? The good news: it crashed. The bad news: there were three empty seats on board. Q: What's the difference between a symphony conductor and Dr Scholl's footpads? A: Dr Scholl's footpads buck up the feet. Q: What's the difference between a pig and a symphony orchestra conductor? A: There are some things a pig just isn't willing to do. Q: What is the ideal more...
IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT...
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.
Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?
Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.
Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
Customer: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding!
Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint more...
Q: How do you kill 4000 lawyers?
A: You build a new Titanic and declare it cannot sink.
Q: What's the strongest argument against both theories of origin?
A: Politicians and lawyers. Who in their right mind would create (or evolve into) these species?
Q: If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: Have you heard about the lawyers word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A: A lobotomy.
Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.
Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a more...
Whats the difference between ignorance and indifference? I dont know and I dont care!
The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about a week.
What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes when you jump on the trampoline.