Different Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upon a time, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting, on the seventh day. He inquired of God,
"Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, " Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor - over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people." God continued pointing to different countries..."This one will be extremely hot, while this one more...

You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God,
"and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things,"
God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while more...

A Young woman called a card shop "Do you remember those wedding cards I ordered last week? Well, I was wondering if it is too late to make a few changes in them."
"Give me the new information, lady and I shall check" said the shopkeeper.
"OK its a different date, a different church and a different man.
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, "I'm ashamed of the way we live. Father pays the rent for the house, brother sends us food and money for clothes, uncle pays our water and electricity bills and our friends provide us with tickets for the theater. I'm not complaining, really, - but I do think we can do better."
"Of course we can,": said the husband, "I've been thinking about it myself lately. You've got a brother and two uncles who don't send us a cent.!"
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Woman to husband absorbed in newspaper;" you needn't bother saying, "Uh, ha" anymore. I stopped talking 10 mins more...

Two patients limp into two different AmericanMedical clinics with the
same complaint.
Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day
and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The second sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an
appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an
x-ray, which isn''t reviewed for another month and finally has his
surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The first is a Golden Retriever.....
The second is a Senior Citizen.

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys - all on different limbs, at different levels, some climbing up, and some dropping down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
" They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
" This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."
" Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!"
" I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
" I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
" I was doing Yoga exercises to relieve work-related stress."
" Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
"The coffee machine is broken..."
"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
". .. in Jesus' name. Amen."
You know you work in Corporate America in the 90's if...
You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different more...