Different Jokes / Recent Jokes

Boys Use The Word Friendship To Start Love,

But,

Girls Use The Word Friendship To End Love,

Same Word Bt Different ATTITUDE! !

If operating systems were beer
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer:
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you more...

Here is a basic descriptions of what may happen if an airplane had a specific operating system running.
OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want your seating arranged-with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which case you have time to say your prayers before you crash.

One day the different parts of the body were having anargument to see which should be in charge.The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the mostimportant and I should be in charge."The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of youknow where we are, so I'm the most important and Ishould be in charge."The hands said "Without me we wouldn't be able to pickanything up or move anything. So I'm the most importantand I should be in charge."The stomach said "I turn the food we eat into energy forthe rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the mostimportant and I should be in charge."The legs said "Without me we wouldn't be able to moveanywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be incharge."Then the rectum said "I think I should be in charge."All the rest of the parts said "YOU?!? You don't doanything! You're not important! You can't be in charge."So the rectum closed up. After a few days, the legs were more...

An elderly couple were vacationing in Texas. George had always wanted an authentic pair of cowboy boots, so when he saw some on sale one day, he bought a pair. Walking very proudly, he wore them home.
He walked into their room and said to his wife, "Notice anything different, Sarah?"
Sarah looked him over and replied, "Nope."
"Come on, Sarah," he said excitedly, "Take a good look. Notice anything different about me?"
Sarah looked him over again and replied, "Nope."
Frustrated, George stormed off into the bathroom, undressed, and walked back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again he asked, a little louder this time, "Now, do you notice anything different?"
Sarah looked up and said, "What's different, George? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, George screamed, "And do you have any idea why it's more...

Two patients limp into two different Medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The first patient sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another month and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.
The second patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The first is a Senior Citizen.
The second is a Golden Retriever!

He walks into their room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Bessie?"
Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
Sam says excitedly, "Come on, Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?"
Bessie looks again, "Nope."
Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT?"
Bessie looks up and says, "Sam, what'different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!"
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam. Shoulda bought a hat!"