Diner Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As hesat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. Anearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a cleanspoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, andasked, "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"The waiter replied, "Yes. We had an efficiency expert here thatdetermined that 17. 8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented,"Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a stringhanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Thatsame efficiency expert determined that we spend 21. 4% of our timewashing our hands after using the men's room. The other end of thatstring is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull thestring to get my tool out of my pants, go, and then return to work. more...
1) Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have? 2) My father is so old that when he was in
school, history was called current affairs. 3) Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love. 4) Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don`t have to, my mom is a good cook. 5). Manager: Sorry, but i can`t give u a job. I don`t need much help.
Job Applicant: That`s all right. In fact I`m just the right person in this case. You see, I won`t be of much help anyway!! 6). Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it. 7). Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother`s. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it`s the same dog! 8). Diner: I can`t eat such a rotten chicken. Call the more...
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You cant eat your own sandwiches in here!" The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
SEATTLE'S TURKEY DAY ETIQUETTE
It's been 145 years since the first white settlers landed at Alki Beach at Thanksgiving time, took one look at the overcast skies and the sodden, rain-soaked West Seattle terrain, and burst into tears.
(History, alas, doesn't record the response of the Native Americans when they spotted those tear-drenched settlers. But they probably were too polite to laugh out loud.)
In the intervening years, the first residents and the settlers have worked out the rules for Thanksgiving, Puget Sound style. Here they are, recently updated by an ad hoc Turkey Day committee:
DRESS CODE. Thanksgiving Day guests will arrive wearing Seattle tuxes: clean jeans, turtleneck sweaters and down jackets with weathered ski-lift tags. Hiking boots are optional.
CONVERSATION'S GAMBIT. Topics will include: 1) the election; 2) previous elections; and, 3) the next election. Several arguments will ensue before the host or hostess more...
George had just begun his first shift as a waiter at a diner when a large trucker sat down at the counter and said, "Gimme 3 flat tires and a couple of headlights."
Bewildered, George went to the kitchen and told the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong place. Look at what he ordered!"
"Oh," the cook said, "he wants 3 pancakes & 2 eggs sunny-side up."
George then took a bowl of beans to the trucker.
"What's this? I didn't order this!" growled the trucker.
"The cook said that while you're waiting for your parts, you might as well gas up!" George replied.
Two lawyers entered the diner and ordered a couple of drinks. They then took sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry owner went over to them and said, "Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!"
Shrugging their shoulders the lawyers exchanged sandwiches.
1) Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?
2) My father is so old that when he was in
school, history was called current affairs.
3) Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
4) Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don`t have to, my mom is a good cook.
5). Manager: Sorry, but i can`t give u a job. I don`t need much help.
Job Applicant: That`s all right. In fact I`m just the right person in this case. You see, I won`t be of much help anyway!!
6). Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
7). Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother`s. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it`s the same dog!
8). Diner: I can`t eat such a rotten more...