Diner Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"
The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant... He determined that 17. 8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."
The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"
The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my more...

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton,"Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie." "A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the currentsituation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu." She walks away. Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche." Sent by Gail

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday
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Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?
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Manager: Sorry, but i can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!
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Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
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Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
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Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?
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Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
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Man: Officer! There's a bomb more...

The Fried Chicken House is featuring a new diner. It's called the "HILLARY BOX"
You get two small breasts, two large thighs, and a lot of left wings.

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.
The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops to eat at diner. As he approaches the door, he sees a big sign on the door saying,
"NERDS NOT ALLOWED - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He goes on in and sits down. The waiter comes over to him, sniffs, and says, "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?" The truck driver says he drives a truck, and that the smell is just from the computers he's hauling. The waiter says, "OK, truck drivers aren't nerds," and takes his order.As he is eating, a skinny guy walks in with tape on his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The waiter, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the nerdy guy away. Stunned, the truck driver asks him why he did that.The waiter said, "Not to worry. The nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. "You don't even need a license," he said.So the more...

Bush and Cheney are having lunch at a diner near the White House.
Cheney orders the "Heart-Healthy" salad. Bush leans over to the waitress and says "Honey, could I have a quickie?"
She's horrified! She says, "Mr. President, I thought your administration would bring a new era of moral rectitude to the White House. Now I see I was wrong and I'm sorry I voted for you," and she marches off.
Cheney leans over and says "George, I think it's pronounced 'QUICHE.'"