Dine Jokes

This wind-up article appeared recently in an American magazine. It was taken seriously by a lot of people...

MONEY
The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies." "Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" - the equivalent of seventeen cents American.

MAKING FRIENDS
If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "great tosser"- he will be touched. The English are a notoriously tactile, demonstrative people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the street.

CUSTOMS
Since their Labour government whole heartedly embraced full union with Europe the Brits have been attempting to adopt certain continental customs, such as the large midday meal followed by a two or more...

A business man from France checks into a High class hotel. He checks into his room and ready to nap when he heard a nock on the door.
(knock knock)
Man: "Who iz it!"
Maid: "The maid sir. would you care for fresh sheets on your bed."
Man: "Go away!! I don't carez for any fresh shit on my bed."
Confused, the maid leaves the sheets outside his door. Later that evening the French man decides to go down to the hotel restraunt and have dinner.
Before ordering the waiter asks: "Sir, can I interest you in a glass of wine and a clean fork on your table."
Man: "Excuzzze me! But I don't care to have a clean fuck on the table. I shall dine elseware."
So he exits the restraunt, and proceeds to dine across the street. While walking. A bum approaches and ask him for a dollar. The french man pulls out a dollar. Thinking this is an American tradition in this country.
The bum replys: "Thank you more...