Directory Jokes / Recent Jokes
I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates
gets a cut of the profits therefrom.
Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking,
standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS
network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that
would be a gross hack.
Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't
need that much space anyway.
Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM.
After all, it's ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy
this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory
managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.
Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy
directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though
it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar.
Standardization on where that character is located on a computer
keyboard is more...
Things You Don't Want Your Sysadmin To Say1. Uh-oh...2. Oh S***! 3. What the heck?!? 4. Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?)5. That's SOOOOO bizarre.6. Wow! Look at this...7. Hey! The Suns don't do this.8. Terminated?!? 9. What software license?!? 10. Well, it's doing SOMETHING...11. Wow...that seemed fast...12. I got a better job at Lockheed...13. Management says...14. Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgeted.15. What do you mean that wasn't a copy? 16. It didn't do that a minute ago...17. Where's the GUI on this thing? 18. Damn, and I just bought that Coke...19. Where's the DIR command? 20. The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.21. I cleaned up the root partition and now there's LOTS of free space.22. What's this "any" key I'm supposed to press? 23. Do you smell something? 24. What's that grinding sound? 25. I have never seen it do THAT before...26. I don't think it should be doing that...27. I remember the last time I saw it more...
When I went to college in the 1980's, I heard a lot of words like' 'data and' 'beta version.'' They confused me. I wanted desperately to know what people were talking about, what Big Secret resided in the computer industry.
Now that I've worked in a computer company for the last few years, I've gained an insider's perspective. I decided to share my knowledge with the uninitiated by creating the following brief, handy glossary:
Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for' 'doesn't work.''
Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for' 'still doesn't work.''
Computer. Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger' 'Duffy'' Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Adolf more...