Dirty Jokes / Recent Jokes
This old lady was complaining to her friend about a little problem she had with vaginal itch. Her friend suggested that maybe she had an STD. The old lady replied "that's impossible because I am a virgin". To solve the problem the old lady went to the doctor for check up. After the exam the doctor said: " I have good news and bad news, the good news is that you are clean of all STD'S. The bad news is that you have fruit flies because your cherry is rotten"
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
' 'Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before.''
The doctor reassured her,' 'A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?''
' 'On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you about...,'' replied the lady.
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, angelicize, more...
: Why the Internet Is Like a Vagina
If you play with it too much you can go blind.
You wouldn't believe the things people put in there!
Some people think they know how to move around in it, but they really can't interface.
In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to receive information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
The more people use it the bigger it gets.
It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.
If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread more...
Winnie and Piglet sit on the bank of the river and smoke dope. A crocodile comes out of the river:- Hey pals, let me have a whiff.- Get lost, oh green one!- Come on guys, just one!- Go %@~# yourself! So what would you do? Well, the crocodile swallows Piglet and sits in his place. Winnie, inhaling, is holding the butt out to Piglet and suddenly sees a crocodile.- W-ell, it seems enough for you, pig!
The father of 17 kids goes to the doc's with a rash on his belly. "All right" says the Doc, "drop' em and let's have a look." Having been confronted with the evidence the Doc exclaims "Yes, you've got a bad rash there, but my word, what brown balls you've got. They're truly remarkable!".
The patient is a bit embarrassed and says "Look Doc, what about the rash?"
"Oh that's easy," said the Doc, "Here's some cream to rub on. By the way, those brown balls are amazing, my I ask....."
"No," said the patient, "You can't. Now, is that all Doc?"
"Well, " said the Doctor, " You could stop the rash coming back with a bit better hygiene. Tell your wife you need clean underpants every day. And those really are the brownest balls I've ever seen!"
The guy goes home and tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs clean underpants every more...
A guy walks into a whorehouse and tells one of the girls he wants a blowjob. The girl takes him to a room and proceeds suck him off without a condom. While she does so, the guy sees a half-full bucket of sperm beside the bed.
He disregards the strange site as he enjoys the best blowjob of his life. A second later, he shoots long lines of semen into her mouth. She takes every drop, but instead of swallowing, she spits the cum into that damned bucket.
The guy wonders aloud, "Don't like swallowing spuzz, huh?" She wipes her mouth and replies, "Another girl and I have a bet. Whoever fills up a bucket first gets to drink both buckets."