Dirty Jokes / Recent Jokes

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.

The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing;' Silent Night, Holy Night.' The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing' Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way.' The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him.

The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the more...

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.

He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you, I'm gay."

His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay... doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"

The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right."

His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!"

Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of knickers?

A: 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, an unknown number of hares, and a fish no one can find

Their is a man sitting in a bar when gay man approaches and says, "If you woke up in the forest and your ass itched and you itched it and got Vaseline on your hand, would you tell anybody?"

The other man said. "NO!"

Then the gay says, "If you reached farther into your crack and pulled out a used condom would you tell anyone?"

The guy said "HELL NO!"

Then the gay guy said "Wanna go camping"

Golfing Hitman

There are these friends who play golf together every Saturday. One Saturday they are getting ready to tee off when a guy, by himself, asks if he can join them. The friends look at each other and then look at the guy and say,' 'Sure.''

So they tee off. About two holes into the game, the friends get curious about what the guy does for a living. So they ask him. The stranger tells them he's a hitman. The friends all laugh.

The guy says,' 'No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you like.''

So one of the friends dicides to check it out. He opened the bag and, sure enough, there is a rifle with a huge scope attached. He gets all excited and says,' 'WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?'' The hit man replies,' 'Sure.''

So the guy looks for a second and says,' 'YEAH! You can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom. more...

These two old men are in a nursing home. Theyre talking and realize that its been years since they have had sex. So they sneak out and go to the closest whorehouse. Once inside they go to the Pimp and ask for the two best girls. The Pimp thought "Im not going to waste my two best girls on these guys Ill just give them inflatable women. They are old and they wont know the difference." Once the old men finish they leave. On their way back they start talking. The first guy said, " I think mine was dead she didnt move or anything." The second guy said I think mine was a witch because when I nibbled on her neck she farted and flew out the window."

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???", "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."