Discovered Jokes / Recent Jokes

Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."
Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"
Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."

The Man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT
The Woman Discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The Man discovered WORD and invented CONVERSATION
The Woman Discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP
The Man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS
The Woman Discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY
The Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD
The Woman Discovered FOOD and invented DIET
The Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE
The Woman Discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE
The Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY
The Woman Discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING
Thereafter Man has discovered and invented a lot of things. .....
While the Woman STUCK to shopping. .........

The man discovered WEAPONS and invented HUNTING,
the woman discovered HUNTING and invented FURS.
The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
the woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
the woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,
the woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.
The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
the woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
the woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.
The man discovered WOMEN and invented SEX,
the woman discovered SEX and invented HEADACHES.
The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
the woman discovered MONEY and that's when it all got f#@$ed up.

WHEN PROFESSOR SAYS:
YOU WRITE:
"Probably the greatest quality of the poetry of John Milton, who was born in 1608, is the combination of beauty and power. Few have excelled him in the use of the English language, or for that matter, in lucidity of verse form, 'Paradise Lost' being said to be the greatest single poem ever written."
John Milton - born 1608
"When Lafayette first came to this country, he discovered America. The Americans needed his help if their cause was to survive, and this he promptly supplied them."
Lafayette discovered America
"Current historians have come to doubt the complete advantageousness some of Roosevelt's policies"
Most of the problems that now face the United States are directly of traceable to the bungling and greed of President Roosevelt.
"...it is possible that we do not understand the Russian viewpoint..."
Professor Mitchell is a communist
"The puissance of hydrochloric more...

This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and more...

A farmer in the country discovered that some kids had been stealing fruit from his watermelon patch. So he put up a sign that read "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS RAT POISON!"
The farmer returned to the patch a week later and discovered that all of his watermelons were still there, but he found another sign that read "NOW TWO OF THEM DO!"

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting. Woman discovered hunting, invented furs. Man discovered colors, invented painting. Woman discovered painting, invented make-up. Man discovered speech, invented conversation. Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip. Man discovered agriculture, invented food. Woman discovered food, invented diet. Man discovered friendship, invented love. Woman discovered love, invented marriage. Man discovered woman, invented sex. Woman discovered sex, invented headache. Man discovered trade, invented money. Woman discovered money, man has never recovered.