Discuss Jokes / Recent Jokes
Little Johnny was on a plane when the stranger in the next seat said, "Let's talk. Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
The stranger said, "How about nuclear power?"
Johnny said, "That could be interesting. But first, I have a question. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same thing, grass. Yet a deer excretes pellets, while a cow excretes a flat patty, and a horse excretes clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger said, "I have no idea."
Johnny said, "Well, then, why do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
A young boy had justgotten his driving permit.
He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the family car.
His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut,
then we will talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if
they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get a hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad,
I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair,
Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
His father replied,"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
Five surgeons discuss who are the best patients to operate on.
"I like to see accountants on my operating table," The first surgeon says, "When you open them up, everything inside is neatly numbered.""Yeah," The second surgeon agrees, "But you should try electricians- everything inside them is colour coded.""No, I think librarians are the best," Says another, "Everything inside is in alphabetical order.""Well," The fourth says, "I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.""I think you are all wrong!" The last surgeon says, "The easiest patients to operate on, by far, are politicians- they have no guts, no brain, no heart and no spine!"
An elderly couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together.
After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man "You appear to be in good health, do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
"In fact I do," said the man, "After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."
"This is very interesting," replied the doctor, "Let me do some research and get back to you."
After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then asked, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is more...
An angel wrote: Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart. Anger is only one letter short of danger. If someone betrays you once, it's his fault; if he betrays you twice, it's your fault. Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. God gives every bird it's food, But He does not throw it into it's nest. He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses more; He who loses faith, loses all. Beautiful young people are acts of nature, But beautiful old people are works of art. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. The tongue weighs practically nothing, but so few people can hold it.
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car.
His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car.
They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited and minute and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, why even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied...."Yes, and they WALKED everywhere they went!"
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it." After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...." To which his father replied... "Yes, you're right... and they also WALKED every where they went!"