Disk Jokes / Recent Jokes

ORIGAMI
Art of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in different directions. With a little luck, you should be able to get it jammed. Now, ask yourself. How can your disk get damaged if you can't even get it out of the drive?

SMOKE
Use cigarettes or anything that could be burnt. When you are smoking, blow directly to your disk. In that way, you will be able to destroy it soon, and if you are lucky, damage the drive as well.

PIRANHAS
If you don't have any at home, you can use a stapler, a clip, or simply write down on the disk label with a hard point pencil or pen. This wonderful method of "caring" for disks also often gives you a pretty bite-like design on the remaining pieces of the disk.

MAGNETS
They are wonderful. You can find them in the telephone, in some paper weights, and stuck on the frige door. If you can't find any, you more...

ORIGAMIArt of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in different directions. With a little luck, you should be able to get it jammed. Now, ask yourself. How can your disk get damaged if you can't even get it out of the drive? SMOKEUse cigarettes or anything that could be burnt. When you are smoking, blow directly to your disk. In that way, you will be able to destroy it soon, and if you are lucky, damage the drive as well. PIRANHASIf you don't have any at home, you can use a stapler, a clip, or simply write down on the disk label with a hard point pencil or pen. This wonderful method of "caring" for disks also often gives you a pretty bite-like design on the remaining pieces of the disk. MAGNETSThey are wonderful. You can find them in the telephone, in some paper weights, and stuck on the frige door. If you can't find any, you can leave the floppies on the printer or on your display more...

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you as soon as possible. Please share this with others immediately!!
Monica Lewinsky virus…….. Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
Lorena Bobbit virus………. Turns your hard disk into a 3. 5 inch floppy.
Ellen Degeneres virus…….. Your IBM suddenly claims it’s a MAC.
Titanic virus……………. Makes your whole computer go down.
Disney virus…………….. Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
Mike Tyson virus…………. Quits after one byte.
Prozac virus……. Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care.
Woody Allen virus………By-passes the motherboard and turns on daughter card.
Joey Buttafuoco virus…….. Only attacks minor files.
Spice Girl virus…………. Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
Ronald Reagan virus………. Saves your data, but forgets
Dr. Kevorkian more...

BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk, then reattaches it. Unfortunately, the area is permanently disabled.
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80 MB, and then slowly expands back to 200 MB.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T Virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack - once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a consultant about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn more...

By following the instructions below, you should have error-free, long-lasting floppy disks.
1. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
2. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.
3. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.
4. Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
5. Diskettes cannot be backed up by more...

This article is from the Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, March 1, 1994: Befuddled PC Users Flood Help Llines, and No Qquestion Seems To Be Too Basic

AUSTIN, Texas - The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. technician, made sure the computer was plugged in and then asked the woman what happened when she pushed the power button.

"I've pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens," the woman replied. "Foot pedal?" the technician asked. "Yes," the woman said, "this little white foot pedal with the on switch." The "foot pedal," it turned out, was the computer's mouse, a hand-operated device that helps to control the computer's operation.

Personal-computer makers are discovering that it's still a low-tech world out there. While they are finally having great success selling PCs to households, they now have to deal more...

By following the instructions below, you should have error-free, long-lasting floppy disks.
Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.
Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.
Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through more...