Dismissed Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little corporate humor
I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets.When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, "Why the spoons?""Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some AndersenConsulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and aftermonths of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons dropspoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time...nearly 1.5 extra man-hours per shift. Just more...

I took some clients out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water and tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters and busboys had spoons in their pockets. When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, "Why the spoons?"

"Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some Andersen Consulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and after months of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons drop spoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil, at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time... nearly 1.5 extra man-hours per shift." Just as he concluded, a more...

A man lost both his ears in a very serious automobile accident but as a result received a large insurance settlement. After some period of time he realized that he needed an assistant to help him manage his money.
He decided to interview several candidates.
The first candidate was very impressive and answered all the questions satisfactorily. The interviewer then posed one final questions, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
"Well, yes," the candidate replied. "You don't have any ears." The interviewer was outraged as he was very sensitive about his lack of ears and dismissed the candidate.
The second candidate was a very attractive woman who also answered all the questions satisfactorily. Again the interviewer posed one final questions, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
"Well, yes," the woman replied. "You don't have any ears." The angry interviewer dismissed her immediately.
The third more...

This is from an actual trial in the UK:
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read' Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'. I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read: ' William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement which read' Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'
The case was dismissed...

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I
noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware. He too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses,
busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets. When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had
to ask, "Why the spoons?"
"Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some consulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and after months of
statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons drop spoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons
per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time. . . nearly 1. 5 extra man-hours per shift." more...