Displays Jokes / Recent Jokes

40% Presents:

6% Presents with no useful functions.
4% Presents with a function, but which will never be used.
10% Presents the recipient will say they like, but really hate.
11% Presents you really want for yourself, and plan to use after
the intended recipients get tired of them.
6% Presents for people you hate, but feel you have to buy for.
3% T-shirts with writings on them.
* Presents you really like and can use
* Too small a % to be statistically significant.

21% Decorations:

6% Christmas tree (less if you're really cheap and wait till
Dec. 24th to buy it!).
1% Christmas tree lights to replace the ones that burned out
last year.
1% Christmas tree lights to replace the ones you stepped on
this year.
2% Christmas tree ornaments.
3% Christmas tree ornament hooks (includes the gas for that
extra trip you always have to make back to store because
there weren't enough more...

Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.

Active socially: Drinks heavily.

Alert to company developments: An office gossip.

Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.

Average: Not too bright.

Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.

Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.

Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.

Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the ass.

Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.

Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.

Deserves promotion: Create new title to make him feel appreciated.

Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.

Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors more...

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) Star Wars Character: Darth Vader Vader can be cruel and torment people who disagree with him but deep down there is a peace-loving, friendly side to him. He has a knack for inflicting pain on people and he uses his intellect during battle.
PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) Star Wars Character: Lando Lando is the typical character with his head in the clouds. He is self-sacrificing but may be too passive to stand up to Vader. He became fairly pessimistic when put under pressure. He also poses as a chameleon wanting to change his scenery on occasion.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19) Star Wars Character: The Emperor The Emperor has demonstrated his liking to inflict pain on people just as people born under the sign Aries often do. He feels he is at the center of the universe and he must be in control. He enjoys being a leader and his aggression and quick-tempered attitude also helps him with this.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20) Star Wars Character: Chewbacca more...

Statistics compiled by MAD Magazine Issue 228, January 1982. (Dated but still a relevant source).
40% - Presents.
6% - Presents with no useful functions.
4% - Presents with a function, but which will never be used.
10% - Presents the recipient will say they like, but really hate.
11% - Presents you really want for yourself, and plan to use after the intended recipients get tired of them.
6% - Presents for people you hate, but feel you have to buy for.
* -Presents the recipients will really like.
3% - T-shirts with writings on them.
21% - Decorations.
6% - Christmas tree (less if you're really cheap and wait till Dec. 24th to buy it!).
1% - Christmas tree lights to replace the ones that burned out last year.
1% - Christmas tree lights to replace the ones you stepped on this year.
2% - Christmas tree ornaments.
3% - Christmas tree ornaments hangers (includes the gas for that extra trip you always have to make back to store because more...